Wicked OneShot Medley
by Julia-Caesar
Summary: Collection of Cute, One-shots, mostly set in the Shiz-era unless stated otherwise. "Galinda the Hyper," "Biq, Boq, Fiyero, They're all the Same!" "If I Only Had a Brain..." "Dancing Through Malls.," and more! Reviews are lovely! Mostly Fiyeraba!
1. Galinda the Hyper

**Just a thought I had the other night, comprising of what would happen if Galinda discovered coffee... not good. Thanks to all my followers on Twitter. If you wanna follow me I'm: MissJuliaCaesar. Also, it's my first WickFic, so be nice. =)**

**Additional info: Takes place on what would've been the lion cub scene day but later at night, but that never happened. Instead, it's just crazy Galinda with her hyper shenanigans along with annoyed Elphaba and Fiyero.**

**No beta, so please excuse any mistakes.**

**Hope you like it!

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"Pssst, Elphie."

Silence.

"Pssst, _Elphie_."

An irritated groan escaped Elphaba's lips as she scowled at Galinda.

"Pssst, Elphie!"

"What?" she practically screeched at her. For a moment, Galinda looked taken aback, but she quickly recovered with a wide smile.

"Are you sleeping?" she whispered quickly.

The two young witches were in their dorm at Shiz and Galinda, as she had been introduced to coffee earlier that day on accident by Fiyero, was restlessly bouncing underneath her covers, much to Elphaba's displeasure.

"Sweat Oz…" Elphaba murmured into her pillow. After a deep breath she said, "Galinda, I've got the most amazing idea ever." Galinda gasped in interest.

"What? What is it?" she asked excitedly, jumping across the room from her bed onto Elphaba's bed with an, "Oomph." Elphaba rolled her eyes, though they were closed, and shoved the blonde off the bed.

"Well, I was talking to Fiyero earlier and-"

"Ooo! Fiyero? What did he say? Was it about me? Huh?" Galinda rushed out. The green witch mentally kicked herself for saying the wretched boy's name.

"Well," she went on, regardless of her feelings toward the brainless buffoon, "he was just telling me how he wished you'd spend more time with him, after all, he does get pretty lonely in his dorm… by himself… _alone_… with no roommate." Galinda's eyes glowed with excitement.

"Do you think he'd mind if I went and spent the night with him instead?" she wondered aloud.

"Not at all," Elphaba murmured into her pillow, hoping to be rid of the pink ball of energy. "He'd be thrilled, I'm sure."

"Ooo, alright, I'll go!" she decided with animation. "I'll see you in the morning then! Or rather, in a few hours!" In just a few moments, Galinda had grabbed clothes for the following day and was out the door. "Bye, Elphie!" she called quietly, before bouncing down the hallway, away from Elphaba, who was now smiling to herself as she slept.

5555The Wizard Sucks5555

"Psst, Fiyero."

Silence.

"Psst, Fiyero!"

Silence.

"FIYERO!"

"AH!" Fiyero woke with a start, tumbling off his bed. He quickly recovered himself and climbed back onto the bed. As he squinted his eyes, he could make out a silhouette of his girlfriend, who had somehow managed to break into his room.

"Morning, Fifi," she greeted him happily.

"Galinda? What're you doing here? What time is it?" Fiyero asked groggily, rubbing his eyes as the blonde leapt gracefully onto his lap.

"Hmm, well," Galinda replied, "when Elphie told me to come here it was about 2 in the morning, so it's it's probably been about 15 minutes since then and-"

"Wait, what?" Fiyero interrupted. "_Elphaba_ told you to come here?"

"Oh, yes," she squealed enthusiastically. "At first, I thought she might get lonely without me, but after some reassurance that she'd be fine, I rushed right on down here! Anyway, she told me how you've been telling her that you wish you could spend more time with me, so here I am!"

Fiyero, to put it simply, was confused. He never really _talked_ to Elphaba; it was more like aggressive bickering between the two. He couldn't imagine why Elphaba would've said he wanted to spend more time with Galinda for as far as he knew, she hated it when he and the blonde acted all lovey-dovey. Why she had said something like that unless-

"Oh no," Fiyero muttered under his breath too quiet for his girlfriend to hear. "Galinda? How much of my coffee, exactly, did you drink?" He turned to look her in the eyes, but the girl jumped off his lap and jumped on the bed beside him, giggling crazily has she did so.

"If I had a squash named Fiyero, would you hold it against me?" she asked wonderingly, still bouncing.

"What? _Do_ you have a squash named Fiyero?"

"Oh goodness, no!" Galinda exclaimed. "And I only drank like, half of the mug of coffee, Fifi. You just need to relaxify."

"…What about after I left?" Fiyero asked quickly.

"Hm?"

"After I went to my first class, you were left alone in the coffee shop. Did you get anymore?" he continued to ask.

"You know, I made up the most cleveristic song in the world a few hours ago, and Elphie didn't even care," Galinda sighed, smoothly evading the question.

"Why do you keep calling her 'Elphie?'?" Fiyero asked.

"We both have nicknames for each other now. I call her Elphie and she calls me Galinda!" she told him with awe in her voice. Fiyero was confused at Galinda's logic, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Go to sleep, Galinda," he told her, the drossiness finally hitting him like a brick. Just as he was beginning to dream again, Galinda woke him, fiercely shaking his shoulders.

"Come on, Fifi, let's go play hide-and-seek. I'll count to fifty and you go hide somewhere on campus, okay?" she planned, grinning. Fiyero opened his droopy eyes as Galinda started counting, and he quickly and smoothly darted to the blonde and Elphaba's room.

He quietly knocked on the door, and a mumbled reply came from the other side.

"Elphaba, lemme in. It's Fiyero," he whispered loud enough for her to hear.

A few moments passed and the door swung open to reveal a half-awake Elphaba. Her hair was pulled into a neat pony tail, and she was wearing a dark blue gown.

"What do you want?" she mumbled sleepily.

"I'm hiding from the hyper-active witch," he replied.

"Ugh," she sighed. "You can have _her_ bed." Fiyero nodded thankfully and got situated in Galinda's bed as Elphaba returned to her's.

Several minutes of silence passed.

"Pssst, Elphaba," Fiyero whispered teasingly.

"Oh, sweet Oz…"

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**Just a one-shot idea that popped into my head. Anyway, leave a review telling me what you thought. I might be adding more one-shots onto this as like a variety pack or something... LOL. But tell me if you like it or not.**

**-J.C.**


	2. Biq, Boq, Fiyero, They're All The Same!

**OMG, reviews from the last chapter were so heart-warming I almost exploded! I have to say, I don't think this can hold a munchkin to the last one, which people called ,"Classic," "Adorable," and, "Julia, you are the vision of awesomeness, OH, humble goddess of awesomeness!" What? Oh, I said that? ...Whatever.**

**This one-shot follows the day after 'Galinda the Hyper' and follows Elphaba, Fiyero, and Boq on an extremely boring trip to the- Oh, I can't tell them? DAANNGGG ITTT.**

**Disclaimer: I always find disclaimers on to be pretty stupid, because if I owned Wicked, I wouldn't need to write cute fanfiction, would I? Exactly.**

**Enjoy and Review!**

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"Mmph," Elphaba groaned into her pillow, still lacking several needed hours of sleep from last night. As she turned over, her eyes still closed, she heard a voice extremely close to her face.

"Morning, Elphie," Fiyero whispered. Elphaba's eyes popped open and she shrieked when she saw that his face was no further than three inches from hers.

"What are you doing in my dorm?" she shouted, quickly pulling the covers over the blue nightgown that came just below her knees.

Fiyero smirked.

"You invited me in, remember?" he asked, but there was no hint of confusion or actual question in his voice.

"Uh, no…" Elphaba trailed off. What did she _do_ last night?

"Well, see," Fiyero explained, still grinning, "after you betrayed any trust I may've had in you by sending a hyper-active Galinda to my room at 2 in the morning, I was forced to cleverly hide from Galinda by going to the most boring place in the world: Your room!"

Elphaba narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm surprised you're not still passed out from all that 'life-dancing' you did last night," she retorted, pulling the pillow over her head.

"Well, after you and Galinda left, I was pretty much stuck with Shen Shen and Pfanee going on and on about how good of a dancer I was so I left to go to my dorm."

"What?" Elphaba feigned shock. "Did you finally get sick of being swooned over by almost every girl at Shiz, _Fifi_?"

"No, and don't call me that!" Fiyero griped at her, walking away from the bed.

"Well, don't call me 'Elphie!' I have to say, it's probably the most insulting nickname I've yet to receive here." That shut Fiyero up for a moment.

"What was the least insulting?" he asked quietly. Elphaba thought for a moment.

"Probably 'Green bean'," she answered softly, but shockingly casually.

Fiyero scowled at himself internally. Why was she so comfortable with the fact that most of the people at Shiz didn't even know she had a name! It was always, "The Artichoke," or "Green bean," or some other insult pertaining to her skin color.

_Knock, knock._

"Galinda," Fiyero and Elphaba mutter simultaneously, both of them chuckling softly.

_BANG, BANG, BANG._

"Elphie! Open the door! I'm really worried; I can't find Fifi anywhere!" Galinda called from the hallway, banging on the door with her fists. Fiyero and Elphaba shared a brief worried glance before Fiyero went to open to door as Elphaba went to go get dressed in the bathroom.

"Elphie!" Galinda squealed again. "Open up the instant before I- Oh! Fiyero, what are you doing here?"

"I… I'm uh," he stuttered. Galinda pushed past him hurriedly, impatient as always.

"Whatever, it doesn't really matter as long as you and Elphie didn't sleep in the same bed or anything. Where is Elphie? I haven't seen her in forever!" she rambled on. Fiyero face-palmed; she was obviously still on her coffee buzz.

"You saw her last night, Galinda," Fiyero sighed.

"I did? Oh, that's right, I did! I gave her the nicest makeover ever, and she ran out of the room… I'm not sure why though, I told her that pink looked good with green," she continued ignoring the look she received from Elphaba, who was just coming out of the bathroom wearing her usual simple, navy blue frock.

"Elphie, didn't I tell you pink looked good with green?" Galinda shot at Elphaba. Brushing off the unwanted nickname, she sat on her bed and began braiding her dark hair neatly.

"You sure did, Galinda," she said in a monotone. Suddenly her eyes snapped to Fiyero's. "Oh, you're still here?"

He scoffed.

"Galinda and I have a date, _Elphie_," he explained. Before Elphaba could think of a quip in retaliation to his nickname, Galinda gasped and her face fell.

"Oh, Fifi, I'm afraid I made plans with Pfanee and Shen Shen to go on a shopping spree. Can we do it tomorrow instead?" she asked, giving Fiyero the puppy-dog eyes.

"Of course," he replied, smiling for her sake. On the inside he knew he'd surely die of boredom without Galinda, though anyone at Shiz would be honored hang out with him if he asked. Except for-

"Elphie," Galinda squealed happily, "how about you keep Fifi company while I'm out? That way you two can get to know each other better? Yes, I can see it now! You two are going to be the best of friends!" Elphaba and Fiyero shared a look of repulsion.

"Galinda, you know I study on Saturdays," Elphaba objected. "And I highly doubt _Fifi_ wants to spend his Saturday afternoon in the _library_." Fiyero ground his teeth together at the nickname she'd used.

"Well, I wouldn't want hang out with you if you were the last person in Oz!" he countered weakly. Elphaba's eyes widened.

"Oh yeah? I wouldn't hang out with you, even if you were smart!" she replied stubbornly. Fiyero struggled to think of another comeback.

"I wouldn't hang out with you, even if… if… OW!" he groaned as Galinda slapped his arm.

"You two are going to spend the day together, and you are going to have _**fun**_!" she ordered. Fiyero and Elphaba were almost afraid. Apparently Galinda could be extremely scary when she wanted to be.

They frantically nodded: twice toward Galinda, twice at each other, and then twice at Galinda again. She smiled, obviously satisfied.

"Good," she clapped her hands together and did a twirl in the air as she jumped in excitement. "I'll see you two at dinner later then! We can meet up at the coffee shop or someth-"

"NO!" Elphaba and Fiyero yelled in horror. Galinda shot them both confused looks. Elphaba was the first recovered from the shock.

"Um, you know, Galinda," she said calmly, grabbing her coat and Fiyero's arm as she opened the door, "let's just meet up outside the mall, okay? And then we can go grab something to eat." Galinda nodded in agreement, kissed Fiyero quickly on the cheek, and then they were gone.

"Popular," Galinda sang to herself happily, "I'm already popular. And Fiyero is hot; some waffles would hit the spot and Elphaba is…"

7777777Dancing Through Gravity7777777

The moment the door shut, Elphaba threw Fiyero's arm away from her.

"Smooth move, _Fifi_," she growled at him as she began walking down the hall.

"Oh gee, thanks, _Elphie_," Fiyero replied easily, rolling his eyes in an Elphaba fashion. "So, where are we going?"

He began following after her. He attempted to put his arm around her, but she fiercely shoved him into a wall.

"Well, first we're going to your dorm, because I don't want to be seen with you at all, much less in your pajamas," she spat. Fiyero feigned hurt.

"Hey, maybe a public outing with me is exactly what you need to bring yourself out of your _funk_."

"_Funk_?"

"Yes, _funk_!"

"Do you even know what that means?" she countered as they crossed the grass that divided the campus.

"Well…. No," Fiyero hesitated. "But I do know that you're in one!"

Elphaba just rolled her eyes.

When they'd reached Fiyero's dorm, he immediately entered without unlocking it.

"You don't lock your doors?" Elphaba asked. He just shrugged.

"What could I possibly own that I'd get worked up over if it was stolen?"

"I don't know. I met you last night," she reminded him.

"Oh, right… Are you sure we didn't meet as like, kids or something? You seem pretty familiar," Fiyero teased lightly as he went into the bathroom. Elphaba sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Impossible," she said. "Until I came here, very few people knew I even existed, much less met me." Fiyero didn't say anything after that, until they'd returned to the center of the Shiz campus.

"So, now what?" Fiyero asked happily. He was almost skipping, as Elphaba observed. Why in Oz's name was he so happy?

"I have no idea… I rarely leave campus except for the occasional trip to the bookstore in the seldom case that the Shiz library didn't have a book I was looking for," she replied sharply. Fiyero was almost taken aback.

"How do you look for a specific book?" he asked, genuinely confused. "I mean, how do you know what you're looking for ahead of time?"

"How did you even get into college?" Elphaba quickly snapped. He grinned.

"I'm royalty. I've got connections." She rolled her eyes, annoyed.

"Well, I have absolutely no idea where to go, and you're still new in town so I doubt you know any places we could-"

"HEY, FIYERO!"

"Oh, what now?" Elphaba exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. She and Fiyero turned around to see Boq running toward them.

"Oh, yeah, Block," Fiyero greeted, smirking at Elphaba obvious annoyance.

"Boq," he corrected. He shook it off, though, before Fiyero could respond.

"Where's Miss Galinda?" he chirped curiously. _Maybe_, he thought hopefully, _broke up, and Miss Galinda needs a shoulder to cry on._

"She's off shopping with Pfanee and Shen Shen," Elphaba interrupted, bursting Boq's munchkin bubble. His face fell.

"Oh, alright," he muttered. His face suddenly lit up.

"Where are you guys going?" he asked with interest. Fiyero looked at Elphaba and she shook her head quickly. _Don't tell him anything_, her eyes begged.

"Actually, Galinda is forcing us to be friends, and we were getting ready to go hang out, but we have no idea where to go because Elphie has no social life, and I was too busy dancing through life yesterday to go exploring," Fiyero babbled quickly.

Elphaba slapped his arm in the same way Galinda had… only harder, as he observed. In fact, she punched it, more than she slapped it.

"Le gasp!" he exclaimed in a Galinda fashion and clasped his hands together as she had earlier in the day. "We should go get tattoos!"

"Okay," Elphaba practically screamed. "One, tattoos? Oz no! And two, who said _you_ were coming with us?"

"Aw, tattoos? Common, Elphie, live a little!" Fiyero whined.

Elphaba distantly thought he resembled a five year-old girl whose father didn't get tickets for her to go see her favorite female vocalist… Jacob Bliber or something like that…

"No, I am not getting a tattoo!" Elphaba stomped her foot stubbornly. Fiyero and Boq shared a look before Fiyero swiftly lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS OZ?" Elphaba screeched, attracting the attention of several stray wanderers in the courtyard. Boq and Fiyero, on the other hand, were practically skipping with glee as they headed to the tattoo parlor.

"You son of a Winkie!" she continued to scream. Fiyero just rolled his eyes.

"Derogatory comments won't make me put you down," he taunted sing-song.

"Ooo, derogatory? What a big word for such a small-minded person!" she patronized him.

"I think the tattoo parlor is just a few blocks from here," Boq announced excitedly, stopping Fiyero from saying something he'd probably regret.

When the trio had arrived in front of the shabby looking building, Fiyero put Elphaba down. Dusting herself off, she glared at him.

"Ass," she muttered. He and Boq snickered menacingly.

"I hope you two know," she said, crossing her arms across her chest, "that I absolutely refuse to get a tattoo, and no one can convince me otherwise." Fiyero, surprising himself, had an idea.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know," Fiyero waved his hand absent-mindedly as they entered the parlor. "We figured you were much too uptight for things as hip as tattoos. Boq and I, however, are no sissies."

"We are?" Boq interrupted.

"Yes, we are!" Fiyero affirmed proudly grinning. He began marching in, head held high, with a slightly less enthusiastic Boq, but he was happy to be accepted by Fiyero nonetheless.

Elphaba frowned, confused.

"I'm not a sissy!" she muttered under her breath before pushing the doors of parlor open to find Boq and Fiyero waiting on a bench talking about what kind of tattoos they wanted.

"But won't it hurt uber bad to get one there?" Boq asked conversationally. Elphaba's eyes widened as she thought of what they may be talking about.

"Nah," Fiyero shook his head. "I'm sure it'd be absolutely- OH, hello, Elphaba. Did you decide to join us after all?" They both looked at her expectantly.

"Oh, shut up, Fiyero," she snapped, but she sat down beside him and began looking through the binders of tattoo designs. The boys both chuckled at the sight.

88888888We're off to see the Fatty Behind the Curtain of Oz!88888888

"Nessa is going to die when she sees this!" Elphaba exclaimed under her breath, gesturing to the black, 'E' on her shoulder before pausing for a moment. "And if Nessa dies, then who's to keep Father from killing me?"

"Oh, relax," Boq waved her off carelessly. He'd gotten a small, blue (to show off his Munchkin ethnicity) vine that formed a pretzel-like shape on his back. "It's hardly even noticeable."

"Easy for you to say! The only way someone would see yours is if you went shirtless or something, and people would be too busy laughing and pointing to notice it!" Elphaba cried, obliviously to Boq's sudden blush and rush of uncomfortable-ness.

"Aw, come on, Elphaba," Fiyero said. "Yours isn't nearly as impressive as mine is."

"That's what he said," Boq muttered, earning punches to the arms from both Fiyero and Elphaba.

"Anyway," Fiyero continued, "you always wear shirts and dresses with sleeves so it hardly matters anyway." Fiyero, much to Elphaba's displeasure, had gotten a palm-sized diamond on his upper waist. It was blue and green split down the middle.

"That's hardly to point, Fifi," she replied in a snarky manner.

"What is?" he countered. She sighed in frustration.

"The point is that I've just willfully stamped a letter on my shoulder that will never _ever_ go away! Like, _ever_!" she continued to rant, flailing her arms around to emphasize her point.

"Hey, some guys think tattoos are sexy," Fiyero pointed out.

"Not when they're on the Greenbean!" she shouted.

"Hey, don't call yourself that!" Boq scolded. The both looked at him confused, though they continued walking down the deserted street.

A moment passed.

"Everyone called you 'The Artichoke' now," he continued quickly. "Calling yourself Greenbean just makes you look more ridiculous."

"And you think you don't look ridiculous, following Galinda everywhere she goes?" Elphaba quipped. Fiyero faltered in his step.

"What?" he asked, mocking bewilderment.

"Don't don't act like you don't know, Fiyero," Elphaba hissed. "It's an Oz-known fact that Boq has been in love with Galinda since the first day of school, possibly even before that!" By this point Boq was the shade of a tomato, and Elphaba had finally shut up about the tattoo.

"And then," she ranted, "Galinda convinces him to go out with Nessa even though he doesn't even like her like that! And when he dumps her it's gonna break her heart and I'm gonna break his-"

"Oh look!" Boq exclaimed nervously, glancing at his wrist and tapping it sternly. "It's looks like it's time to go meet Miss Galinda!"

"You're not even wearing a watch," Fiyero pointed out.

"Shut up, Tiggular."

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**The other day, I was talking to my friend about Wicked and said Biq instead of Boq, Fifi instead of Fiyero (GAH, LOVE THAT NAME!), and Elphie instead of Elphaba... She wasn't sure if I was still talking about Wicked or not... Imposter.**

**Reviews are Better than a possible shirtless Fiyero in the next one-shot if you put in a little review!**

**P.S. Follow me on Twitter! I'm funnier there, I swear! Haha, that rhymed! Nobody steal my idea! This is totally my idea...**

**=)**


	3. If I Only Had a Brain

**So I know that this was supposed to be another GTH one-shot, but I just had to get this out! It's not very funny, but it's a one-shot so it's all good. =)**

**Take's place: After they see the Wizard (Wizard my awesome-filled ass) while they're on the way to Kiamo Ko to steal Elphie's broom but end up... Well, you've seen the musical, you know how the cookie crumbles as I eat it... Wait, what?**

**Thanks to Wicked-as-possible for telling me about Australian life... sorta.**

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**If I Only Had a Brain…**

"Psst, Tin Man," Fiyero whispered in the night as Dorothy and the Lion slept a few feet away.

"I have a name, ya know," was the grouchy response.

"Oh," Fiyero back-tracked, "well, what it?"

"Boq."

"SWEET OZ OF-" but he put a gloved hand over his mouth when Dorothy stirred.

"Boq? Seriously? Like 'I-hope-you'll-save-at-least-one-dance-for-me-Miss-Galinda,' Boq? Biq? Sherlock?" he whispered ramblingly. And Boq/Tin Man looked at him in shock.

"Who are you?" he interrupted.

"Oh, right, you don't recognize me, do ya? I supposed not. I mean, why would you?" he muttered, diving back into the blabbery that he did when he got nervous. "After all, without my charm and good looks, along with my brain and… Glinda on my arm, I didn't doubt no one would recognize me. But I guess it's for the best. I was a fugitive, on the run with Elphaba. Of course that only lasted one day but still I-"

"Fiyero?" Boq whispered, utterly surprised. "How? How did you become… this?" he asked, gesturing to the figure of straw that lounged before him.

"Oh, Fae did this to save me, I suppose. She'd been long gone by the time the guards-"

"Who's Fae?"

Fiyero was getting pretty annoyed now.

"Elphaba?" he suggested, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Boq gave him a dumbstruck look, though.

"Who?"

"Elphaba Thropp? Oh well, she's pretty hard to miss, what with the green skin."

"You mean the Witch?" Boq nearly yelled.

"Don't call her that!" Fiyero glared at him with his button eyes.

"Why not? She made me this? And you, a scarecrow!" he pointed out.

"To save me! I was going to _die_. She saved me," he emphasized.

"Well, what about me?" Boq questioned pointedly.

"Well… she told me that Nessa-"

"Oh, of course she would go and pin it on her sister!" Boq exclaimed.

"Can you stop interrupting me?" Fiyero whispered fiercely back. "I'm seriously about to douse you in water if you don't stop it."

Needless to say, he shut up.

"Anyway," Fiyero continued as if he were telling an action tale, "Fae told me that Nessa cast some spell wrong and your heart started to shrink and Fae ended up using some awesome spell to save you."

"Liar," he hissed. "Besides, what was she doing in Munchkinland to begin with? If she'd stayed put in hiding she wouldn't have gotten Nessa killed, I wouldn't be a Tin Man, you wouldn't a sack of straw, and that little brat with Nessa's shoes would still be in Koonsas or wherever she's from!"

"How was she supposed to know all that would happen?"

"I don't know!"

"Well neither do I!"

"Are you two alright?" a sleepy voice came from a few yards away.

Dorothy.

"Uh, yeah, we were just discussing…" Fiyero looking at Boq in panic.

"What it would be like if only the Scarecrow here had a brain!" he explained grandly, patting Fiyero on the shoulder, who stiffly pushed it off and away from him.

"Well," Dorothy chirped, quietly but hopefully, "I'm sure that once we get that wretched witch's broom-" Fiyero flinched angrily but made no move- "the Wizard will surely give you a brain!"

_Mmmhmmm_, thought Fiyero glumly,_ And maybe Morrible will get a date._

"So," Fiyero whispered, when Dorothy had long fallen asleep again, "I've got a question."

"Go ahead," Boq allowed hesitantly.

"So, you're like me, right? No internal organs at all?"

"…Yes…" he answered, still not sure where this was going.

"So, why didn't you ask for a brain too? Don't you need one of those too?"

Boq paused for a moment before sighing and answering:

"I didn't have the heart to ask for more than one thing from the Wizard."

Fiyero's chuckle was enough to nearly send the man of tin into a rage. **(A/N: "THIS IS THE MADDEST HE'S EVER BEEN!" LOL, couldn't resist.)**

"Well, why didn't you ask for a heart then?" he snapped.

"I already know where mine is. I've just gotta go and get it," Fiyero replied simply.

"Hopeless Romantic," Boq accused.

"Not completely hopeless," Fiyero compromised.

"Same thing."

"Is not," Fiyero chuckled.

"Shut up, Tiggular."

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**I HAD TO DO IT! (That's what she said, hehe.) Anyway, I always wanted to know why Biq didn't need a brain and why Fifi didn't need a heart, as you know if you follow me on Twitter.**

**Reviews are lovely!**

**P.S. I only got one review for the last chapter, so there was no shirtless Fifi. Hmm maybe next time...?**

**=)**


	4. Dancing Through Malls

**Hmm, well, I got a satisfactory amount of reviews this time, and so I've gone back to post-tattoo one-shot and given you... *mutters under breath* fiflss fiyro..**

**Fiyero: I'm sorry was that?**

**I SAID HERE IS SHIRTLESS FIYERO IN A MALL!**

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**Dancing Through the Mall**

"Fiyero," Elphaba groaned as they enter the mall, "I swear to Lurline, if you don't put a shirt on, I will put you in one myself!" Secretly, however, she hoped he'd keep it off.

"I can't," Fiyero replied, seemingly oblivious to the three, 14 year-old girls who fainted when they saw him shirtless. "I want to show off my tattoo."

"And his abs," Boq muttered under his breath to Elphaba who snickered in agreement.

"FIFI!" a loud squeal came from above. The trio looked up to see Galinda looking over the rail on the second floor happily.

"Why in Oz aren't you wearing a shirt, sweetie?" she called down confusedly, attracting the attention of even more adolescent girls who swooned.

"Because I'm Dancing Though Life…. WITH MY SHIRT OFF!" he yelled back, throwing his arms in what was supposed to be a grand manner. He ran to a nearby table in the food-court and began singing:

"The trouble with malls is," he sang to the normal tune he sang all his songs, "they always try to make you spend money. Believe me, I've bought enough stupid stuff to know. They want you to buy more hair gel, more…"

A hundred thirteen year-old fan-girls ran from nowhere and gathered around the table he was singing and dancing on while Galinda ran down the stairs followed by Shen Shen and Pfanee.

Elphaba and Boq, however, were frozen to the spot, unable to believe that anyone, even the most scandalacious prince in Oz, would have the nerve to start singing on a table for absolutely no reason at all.

"…Dancing through stores," Fiyero continued. "Getting a great deal. Sometimes you even might find a sale. Nothing's worth it, but knowing nothing's worse it. That's just the mall, so keep buying more!"

"Oh sweet Oz," Elphaba muttered as what seemed like the entire mall around them began dancing too.

"What is this: some kind of musical?" Boq exclaimed, just as thoroughly upset as Elphaba was.

"Dancing through stores, trying and buying, make sure you use your Platinum Oz Card. Life is frightful, when you ain't spiteful-"

"'Ain't' isn't even a word!" Elphaba cried exasperatedly.

"We need to do something!" Galinda declared, not wanting to admit she was actually jealous of the fan-girl attention her Fifi was getting.

"Agreed!" Pfanee and ShenShen both said.

"Clones," Boq muttered under his breath and Elphaba smirked.

"Well," Elphaba said through her smirk, "why do you propose we do?"

"Hmm, I've got it!" Galinda squealed. "Pfanee, ShenShen, come with me!" And with that the three ran off into a men's clothing store.

"…Well, what now?" Boq asked. Elphaba shrugged. A few minutes later, they spotted Galinda pulling Fiyero down from the table as Pfanee pulled a pair of white pants out of a grey bag.

"You deserve each other," Galinda sang to him, "these pants and you, you both so… white? **(A/N: LOL, get it? Cause they're both- SHUT UP!)** You deserve each other so here; it was all Elphaba's idea!" Elphaba's mouth dropped open and Boq burst out laughing.

"Oh my Oz, they're perfect!" Fiyero squealed in a Galinda-like fashion. He hugged them tightly to his chest as Galinda skipped toward Elphaba and Boq happily.

"See? It worked!" she said. Elphaba, who'd finally composed herself.

"Uh, Galinda?" she said.

"What?"

"Turn around."

Galinda turned around and gasped. How Fiyero had changed his pants so quickly was beyond her, but he was now going all out on the dancing along with the rest of the crowd.

"And the strange thing," he sang with the crowd, "your pants could end up changing, when you're dancing THROUGH MALLS!" **(A/N: I didn't even plan this line! It just happened! Like white pants!)**

"Thank you everybody! I'll be here all-"

"FIYERO!" his girlfriend screeched.

"I was going to say, 'week' but my name works too!" he agreed, winking at a random girl in the crowd.

"Whoa!" Galinda exclaimed on the way out the door as Fiyero was putting his shirt back on (after much 'encouragement' from Elphaba).

"Fifi, is that a tattoo?"

"Uh… I can explain…" he said, looking around the area for an escape. "Uhh, ELPHABA DID IT!" And with that, he ran down the street. Elphaba, who'd been returning the 'borrowed' white pants Galinda had gotten from the store, returned to see him skipping down the road clumsily.

"Is he drunk or something?"

"Or something indeed," Galinda nodded. They all looked at her confusedly.

"Oh, did I say that out loud?" she asked, looking around.

"Yes," they all said.

"Uhh…" She looked around for an excuse.

"EPHIE DID IT!"

"And," Boq muttered, "with that, Galinda, Elphaba, and Fiyero skipped into the sunset, not realizing that just days later, Elphaba would be a fugitive and-"

"What was that, Boq?" Elphaba interrupted.

"Uh… ELPHABA DID IT!"

And then Elphaba was alone.

"…..I am so confused right now."

* * *

**Well, there you have it! I don't know why, but I have this urge to do a mini Wicked song parody in every chapter! Lemme know if you think it's a good idea to squeeze one in! Also any ideas or suggestions (are those the same thing?) are appreciati-fied. And now I'm going to finished wiping off this maple syrup that SOMEBODY THROW ON MY FACE WITH A STACK OF PANCAKES!**

**Fiyero: "It was an accident and I said I was sorry like three times!"**

**Yeah, I know... REVIEW!**

**=)**


	5. We Should Probably Be Paying Attention

**Okay, people, here is my totally unoriginal one-shot that I posted with the knowledge that it sucks... Whatever, it makes people smile. =)**

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We Should Be Paying Attention… Oh Well!

Fiyero: Pssst, Elphaba

Elphaba: Oh, Oz, please tell me we're not going through that AGAIN

Fiyero: Nah, I'm just playing with you. Say, can I borrow your notes after class?

Elphaba: Since when do you study?

Fiyero: Since I needed an excuse to pass notes with you

Elphaba: That reminds me, leave me alone, Tiggular. I'm trying to listen to the lecture

Fiyero: Tiggular? Since when do we call each other by last names?

Elphaba: Since now

Fiyero: So I can call you Thropp then?

Elphaba: No, you may not call me anything on account of the fact I don't want to talk to you right now. Go away

Fiyero: I can't just go away. It's the middle of class

Elphaba: You really are brainless, aren't you?

Fiyero: Pretty much!

Elphaba: Stop passing me notes.

Fiyero: Fine, you're no fun anyway.

* * *

Fiyero: Hey, Boq

Boq: Fiyero, no offense, but can't you see I'm trying to listen to the professor right now?

Fiyero: Can't you see the look on my face that says I don't care?

Boq: No, I can't see. You're behind me

Fiyero: That's what she said

Boq: This conversation is now over

* * *

Fiyero: Hey, Galinda

Galinda: Oh, good, it's about time someone distracted me from this incredi-fyingly boring lecture!

Fiyero: So you're not interested either

Galinda: Nope

Fiyero: And you don't have to take notes like Elphaba and Boq?

Galinda: Nah, I can always ask Elphie for a copy of her notes, and when she scolds me for not taking notes myself and for passing notes to you instead, I'll just ask Biq

Fiyero: Boq

Galinda: Bless you

Fiyero: …Wow

Galinda: I know, right? I was going to wear it straight but then I didn't have enough time

Fiyero: Galinda, what are you talking about?

Galinda: Oops sorry! I got your notes mixed with with Pfanee's. We were talking about my hair!

Fiyero: Why doesn't that surprise me?

* * *

Galinda: Hi, Elphie!

Elphaba: Why am I not surprised that you're passing notes to me too?

Galinda: Who else passed notes to you today?

Elphaba: Fiyero

* * *

Fiyero: Oh, so you'll pass notes with Galinda but not with me?

Elphaba: No! I'm trying to get her to go away too, but the fact you won't go away doesn't help the situation

Fiyero: Ouch

* * *

Galinda: Ohh, what are you guys talking about?

Elphaba: Nothing, I was just telling him to go away, like I'm telling you now: Go away. I'm trying to pay attention!

Galinda: Wow, Elphie. You need to liven up a little

Elphaba: How do you propose I 'liven up' in the middle of history?

Galinda: Is that what this class is? I thought it was trigonometous

Elphaba: Nope, it's history. And you would know that if you and Fiyero would stop passing me notes, and payed attention!

Galinda: Ouch, Elphie. That's cold.

* * *

Elphaba: Hey, Boq

Boq: You're passing notes now too?

Elphaba: What? No! I was just asked you if I could borrow a pen. Mine is out of ink and Fiyero was too stupid to bring one for himself, much less an extra!

Boq: What about Miss Galinda?

Elphaba: Oh, she's got plenty, but they're all pink. And you know how I feel about pink.

Boq: I get your point. One second…

Elphaba: Thanks! I owe ya one!

Boq: I'll hold you to that until I die

Elphaba: Deal.

* * *

Fiyero: Oh, so you'll pass notes with Boq _and_ Galinda, but not me?

Elphaba: I'm just trying to pay attention!

Fiyero: Well, you're not doing a very good job of it

Elphaba: Way to figure that one out, Winkie!

Fiyero: Thanks!

Elphaba: That was sarcasm stupid

Fiyero: So if you're gonna call me a Winkie, does that mean I can call you a Munchkin.

Elphaba: Well, I am, technically a Munchkin. You don't have to be short. It's a race, not a description, stupid.

Fiyero: Well, make up your mind! Am I Tiggular, Winkie, or Stupid?

Elphaba: ….Goodbye, Fiyero

Fiyero: So it's Fiyero then?

Elphaba: Sure, why not?

Fiyero: I don't know, you tell me Elphie

Elphaba: Don't call me that!

Fiyero: You can't tell me what to do!

Elphaba: Sure I can! Just ask Galinda.

* * *

Fiyero: Can Elphaba tell me what to do?

Galinda: It depends… What does she want you to do?

Fiyero: To not call her Elphie…

Galinda: Oh, well in that case, I'm afraid you'll have to stop, Fifi. Just think of your own nickname for her

* * *

Fiyero: So, I've decided to try and make up a new nickname for you!

Elphaba: Why can't you just not talk to me at all?

Fiyero: Because I said so

Elphaba: No you didn't. You _wrote_ it, you incompetent, brainless, hunky, idiot!

Fiyero: You think I'm hunky?

Elphaba: I never said that

Fiyero: Yes you did! But you crossed it out!

Elphaba: I was simply using every other girls' adjective for you besides me… and hopefully Morrible

Fiyero: …That'd be creepy.

Elphaba: Yeah... Yeah it would be creepy.**

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**

**Okay, I'm going to bed now... REVIEW!**


	6. GALINDA IS A WHAT?

**Thank for all the reviews, people of the planet Earth (and maybe Mars)! As I reward for the many reviews (besides the multiple cookies I gave out!) I give you all the ability to... LOSE THE GAME! Mwahaha YES**

**Confession time: I'm really not that big of a fan of this one-shot, just a small idea, but hopefully I made it funny... enough. ENJOY & REVIEW ANYWAY!**

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Elphaba walked down the hallway toward her and Galinda's room after class, several thick textbooks in her arms. Galinda had reported herself sick for the day, and as her roommate, Elphaba took it upon herself to get her homework for her.

Elphaba unlocked the door and slowly opened it to find a Galinda-sized lump under a huge pink comforter.

"Elphaba?" the lump squealed, but didn't move.

"Galinda, why are you huddled under the covers?"

"Because I'm hideodeous!" she whined.

"You aren't feeling any better?" Elphaba asked, setting the pile of books on the desk by Galinda's bed.

"I feel like somebody took a pink dress and put an orange sweater with it!" she yelled into her pillow. Even Elphaba, who had no fashion sense at all, cringed at pink and orange together.

"Well, what's wrong? Food poisoning? Hangover?" Elphaba continued to guess.

"My froofs mar mowing," a mumbled reply came. Elphaba strained her eyes, but she didn't understand a thing.

"What was that?"

"I said, my roofs da dowing…"

"What?"

"I SAID MY ROOTS ARE SHOWING!" came the furious reply. In a flash, Galinda was standing in front of Elphaba, pointing at the top of her head. Elphaba's jaw dropped.

"You're a- BRUNETTE?" she exclaimed. Galinda clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Quiet! Someone might hear you!"

"Mkkwnfd," Elphaba said before biting her finger.

"Ow!" Galinda exclaimed in a British accent. "You bit my finga!

"…Why are talking in an accent?"

"BECAUSE I'M HAVING A MELTDOWN!" Galinda screeched.

"So… what now?" Elphaba asked, sitting on her bed across from Elphaba.

"I've ordered some hair coloring product online and it should be here any moment now," Galinda informed her.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Well, that was exceedingly coincidental timing," Elphaba muttered, opening the door, grabbing the cardboard box out of a middle-aged man's hands, and slamming the door without a second glance. The moment the door was closed Galinda grabbed the box and ran into the bathroom squealing with happiness.

"We couldn't be happier," Elphaba heard Galinda sing happily to herself, "right, hair? Couldn't be happier. Though it is I admit, the tiniest bit, unlike I anticipated. But I couldn't be blondlier, simply couldn't be blondier. Well… not simply. Cause being a blonde, it's strange but I'm fond, but not naturally one."

"It could be that hair," Elphaba sang quietly. "But she's not that girl."

"SHUT UP, ELPHIE!"

* * *

And somewhere, down the hall, was Fiyero: shirtless, wearing white pants, and still singing and dancing.

"Dancing through dorms, disturbing the quiet, Elphaba's gonna kill me today. I'm just dancing, but knowing she hates dancing, it's just school. So keep dancing-"

"FIYERO!" Elphaba's voice rang down the hall.

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of campus, Boq was trying to explain to ShenShen what the difference between an animal and an Animal was. It was when he went into the statistics of how bad the consequences would be if she misused the terms in front Elphaba when everyone in the library heard the scream:

"FIYERO!"

"What was that?" ShenShen gasped stupidly.

"I don't know," Boq replied. "It sounded like Elphaba running out of her dorm to hang Fiyero from a pole by his toes because he was singing and dancing in the hallway."

Shenshen stared at Boq silently with a clueless look on her face. So Boq went on in a matter-of-factly voice that would've sounded sarcastic to anyone less stupid than Shenshen:

"I think it was the sound of a monkey getting its wings."

* * *

**To make up for lack of creativity in this one-shot, I've decided to tell you all ahead of time that the next one will be what SHOULD'VE happened when Dorothy arrived in Oz... Yeah, I see the gears in your devious little brains turning. Any suggestions and ideas for the upcoming one-shot and future ones, you can either PM me or just review!**

**Fiyero: "How come you never ask my opinion for these sorts of things?"**

**Eh... Just sit there and look pretty, Fiyero.**

**Fiyero: OKAY! *sits there and looks pretty***


	7. What Should've Happen Over the Rainbow

**Okay, peoples of the FanFiction world, I give you what (in my opinion) shoud've happened when Dorothy (and Dodo) arrived in Oz! Peoples you gotta give me some suggestions cause I am RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS! With that being said, enjoy and review!

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**

What Should've Happened Over the Rainbow

"Oh, no you didn't!" Glinda exclaimed as she popped her bubble. A few feet from where Nessa's chair and poorly chosen socks lay, were Dorothy and Dodo.

Suddenly, a huge puff of red smoke appeared and Elphaba stepped out of it… _Wait, Elphie can teleport now?_ Glinda thought. _NEATOOOO!_

"Oh, no you didn't!" Elphaba exclaimed in the same fashion Glinda had, running over to Dorothy and slapping her.

"What the fu-" she began to shout, but was cut off with another slap from Glinda.

"Teamwork! High-five, Elphie!" Glinda proposed, and to her amazement, Elphaba did in fact high-five her.

"Why is everyone slapping me?" Dorothy interrupted. "What did I do?"

"Oh, please, can't you figure out what you did yourself?" Glinda asked, flipping her hair. "Don't you see what your trailer trash house fell on?" Dorothy turned around, saw the Nessa's legs and chair, and turned around with a terrified expression on her face.

"Who was that?" she asked quietly.

"This was my sister!" Elphaba screeched.

"Mmmhmmm," Glinda hummed in agreement. "Unelected governess of Munchkinland."

"Oh… And you are?" she asked, turning to Glinda.

"Galinda Upland. Of the _upper_ Uplands." Glinda paused a moment. "No, wait, that's not right, is it?" she asked, turning to Elphaba, who shook her head.

"Riiight," she remembered, "I'm Glinda the Good Witch of the North, and this is my best friend slash fiancé stealer."

"Oh no you didn't," a male voice came from behind them. They turned around to see a man made of tin.

"Oh, hey, Boq," Elphaba greeted him casually. Glinda looked at Elphaba and Boq confusedly.

"Who's Boq?" she asked. Boq face-palmed.

"…Biq?" he supplied. Her face lit up in recognition.

"BIQ! It's so nice to see you again… sort of… What happened to you?" Glinda asked.

"Ask the fiancé stealer!" he shouted, pointing at Elphaba. Glinda gasped.

"I didn't steal your fiancé!" Elphaba retorted to him.

"You might have!" Boq replied. "How do you know Fiyero wasn't my fiancé once?"

Everyone stared at him uncomfortably.

"….Was he your fiancé?" Glinda asked awkwardly. Boq gaped at them.

"Oh Oz no!" Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Uh, HELLO? Teenage girl from over the rainbow here!" Dorothy annoyingly called. Elphaba and Glinda both rolled their eyes before turning to face her.

"Why are _you_ still here?" Glinda asked snobbishly.

"Mmmhmmm," Elphaba agreed. "Why don't you just ride your little house off OF MY SISTER and back to Cans-ass or wherever you're from?"

"No, but seriously," Glinda interrupted, "why is Biq made of alluminations?" Glinda asked.

"You mean aluminum?" Dorothy asked, who was replied to with a group reply of, "Shut up, murderer!"

"It's tin," Boq said, "not aluminum, duh."

"Ohhhh," Glinda cooed.

"Anyway, back to the matter at hand: THIS GREENBEAN STOLE FIFI FROM MEEE!" Glinda screeched.

"Geez, GALINDA," Elphaba muttered sarcastically, face-palming, "don't you know that it's the ARTICHOKE now? Sheesh, you're so unhip."

"Whoa," a voice behind them all said, "déjà vu…. Whatever that means!"

"YERO?"

"FIFI?"

"FIYERO?"

"BIQ?"

"It's Boq!" Boq shouted in reply to Fiyero, who was currently a scarecrow.

"Yero, you're alive!" Elphaba cheered, giving him a hug.

"Oh joy," Glinda muttered.

"Hey," Boq said curiously, "where did the murderer go?"

"Who'd she kill?" Fiyero asked.

"Nessa," Elphaba hissed.

"WOOT!" Fiyero cheered as he fist-pumped with Boq, earning them both glares from everyone and Fiyero, a slap from Elphaba.

"She's over there, trying to get her house to fly again," Glinda said, pointing to Dorothy, who was kicking the house over and over again.

"SOMEWHERE UNDER THE RAINBOW," she screamed/sang off tune, "THINGS MAKE MUCH MORE SENSE!"

"Whatta little brat," Elphaba declared. "Who does she think she is? A house? How unoriginal! Everyone knows brooms are the way to fly!"

"I know, right?" Boq agreed.

"Are you kidding me right now, Elphie? Bubble is the future of Ozian transportationisms," Glinda declared.

"Dancing through air," Fiyero sang, much to the annoyance of… well, everyone, "riding on broomsticks-"

"TEEHEE!" Boq squealed while Elphaba and Glinda giggled but Fiyero ignored them as a million teenage fan-girls appeared and circled around him.

"WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE COME FROM!" Elphaba screeched.

"Nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters," Fiyero continued to sing, "It's just air, so keep dancing through."

"Fiyero, is that the only song you know?" Elphaba asked, a hand on her hip. "Don't you sing ANY other songs besides that?"

"I sing As Long as Your Mine," Fiyero muttered, earning swoons from the fan-girls and snickers from everyone else. "But I find that to be just a little too personal for my daily concerts."

"Fine," Elphaba sighed, "go on."

"Okay," Fiyero replied, unnecessarily clearing his straw throat.

"Dancing through dorms-" he began but was cut off by Elphaba.

"Shiz. Teenage. Angst. Instincts. Kicking. In!" she screamed, charging through the fan-girl crowd and right into Fiyero.

"What's that all about?" Dorothy asked.

"That was a monkey getting its wings," Boq answered dreamily.

Glinda gave him a pointed look.

"Boq, what's that on your back?" she asked, tilting her head. "Is that a blue pretzel?"

"Oh crap," Boq muttered. Suddenly, the entire area went silent: Elphaba got off of her Fiyero punching bag hastily, the screaming fans disappeared (to Oz knows where!), and somewhere a few miles off, a bird flew into brick wall.

"YOU GOT A TATTOO?" Glinda exclaimed. Elphaba and Fiyero's eyes widened, and when Boq looked to them for help, they shook their heads quickly.

"No?" he guessed. She glared at him. "Uh… Fiyero got one too!" he screamed, pointing at Fiyero.

"You have no proof!"

"Well," Boq looked around nervously, "ELPHABA GOT ONE!"

Everyone gasped.

"Elphie," Glinda whispered, "is this true?" Silently, Elphaba pulled her sleeve down to reveal a large black 'E' on her shoulder.

"FIYERO MADE ME!" Elphaba pointed at Fiyero.

"I did not! I specifically told you that you didn't have too!" Fiyero protested, hands on his hips.

"You mean right after you carried me, against my will, I might add, to a tattoo parlor in the middle of nowhere?" Elphaba reasoned. "What in Oz was I SUPPOSED to do?"

"Umm," Fiyero looked around nervously. "Fan-girls, quick!"

And then the fan-girls were back.

"Dancing down roads, avoiding Elphie," he sang.

"DON'T CALL ME, ELPHIE!"

"Last time I sang this, I got hung by my toes," he continued. "Nothing matter, but being pretty matters, so keep dancing down roads."

"Hey, where'd Dorothy and Nessa go?" Boq asked when Fiyero had finished his song. Everyone looked around in confusion before noticing the house flying back into the air, Nessa still squished to the bottom of it.

"That's disturbing," Elphaba commented casually. An idea struck Glinda.

"Hey, you guys! You know what we should do to relive the old times?" she squealed.

"What?" everyone replied lazily.

"We should go get some coffee... IN A MALL THAT HAS A TATTOO PARLOR!"

"NO!"

* * *

**There ya have it! I hope you liked it! Review or I'll cry, and if you follow me on Twitter, you know how much I cry for no reason! =)**


	8. Tattoos, and Dancing, and Prancing OH MY

**Whoa, it's been awhile since I updated! This chapter is dedicated to: darkgemwildcat. Two reasons: One, she's an awesome reviewer and her reviews make me giggle. Two, she pretty much suggested the main plot of this one-shot... which does a LOT of subject jumping, FYI. =) Warning: At the end of this chapter, there is a somewhat long A/N. =P Bleh! Also, I'm accepting Beta Requests and if you wanna beta me, that's cool too! =)**

**Enjoy and Review!**

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**Tattoos, and Dancing, and Prancing- OH MY!**

"How did the three of us end up here, even though we all plainly told Glinda no?" Elphaba asked, walking through the front doors of the mall with Fiyero and Glinda, who cleared her throat.

"Elphie," Glinda said, grinning mischievously, "I think we all know how we got here."

"I don't know how we got here," Fiyero pointed out. "I also don't know why in Oz I'm human again, but I am NOT complaining."

"Whoa!" Elphaba exclaimed. "You ARE human, aren't you? I wonder if you're still as brainless."

"Life is painless-"

"DON'T SING!" Glinda and Elphaba screamed covering their ears as Fiyero chuckled.

"Just like old times," he teased.

"Miss Glinda!" they heard Boq shout from behind them.

"Oh dear…" Glinda sighed as Boq approached them, also human.

"Looks who's human!" Fiyero congratulated Boq, fist bumping him.

"I know, right? I woke up in an arcade a second ago and a few girls gave me their numbers," he added blushing. He excitedly took out a few scraps of paper and waved them in Fiyero's face. "WHO'S GOT ALL THE GIRLS NOW, TIGGULAR?"

Glinda, Elphaba, and Fiyero raised their eyebrows.

"Oh… so I suppose you've got a date on Friday then?" Glinda asked, feigning nonchalance.

"Somebody's jealous…" Elphaba hummed while Fiyero chuckled.

"I am not jealous!" Glinda snapped, blushing. "I'm happy for Boq!"

An auditory gasp escaped Fiyero, Elphaba, and Boq's mouths.

"What?" Glinda asked.

"You called him…" Elphaba trailed off.

"We didn't even have to correct…" Fiyero trailed off too.

"She got my name right!" Boq exclaimed happily, doing a happy dance in the middle of the food court. Elphaba put a hand on his shoulder to make him stop.

"I-I-I, uh," Glinda stuttered, red as a tomato. "HEY LOOK COFFEE!"

"Noooo!" Elphaba and Fiyero exclaimed in agony.

"What's wrong with coffee?" Boq asked as he waved back at a hot girl who was ordering a cup of coffee.

Fiyero and Elphaba shivered at the memory.

"Well, if you all don't want anything, I'll just go and get myself a-" Glinda started but was cut off by Elphaba.

"NO!"

Everyone looked at her.

"I mean… I'll go get the coffee. Does everyone want their 'Shiz-Usuals'?" Elphaba corrected herself.

"Elphaba, how could you possibly remember our old orders?" Boq asked. Elphaba shrugged nervously.

"I don't know," she said quickly. "It's not like I was stalking you and Fiyero or anything…"

"Stalking?" muttered Fiyero to Boq. "That's hot." Boq nodded in agreement

"Okay, so I'll be right back then," Elphaba said quickly, practically running to the counter where orders were filled.

"Hello, Miss, how may I help you?" the woman taking orders asked.

"One mocha, two frappes, and one hot chocolate," Elphaba recited, completely ignoring the fact that nobody seemed to notice that she was green – and the Wicked Witch of the West.

As Elphaba gathered the four drinks in her arms, she spotted Glinda trying to get Boq's attention away from several blondes across the food-court, while Fiyero seemed to be adding something up in his head, counting with fingers.

"Ya know," Elphaba announced, setting the cups on the table before sitting next to Fiyero, "last time we were here, Boq spent all his time trying to get Glinda-Oh, GAlinda's attention." Everyone chuckled at Glinda expense, but Boq quickly turn his attention back to the group.

"Okay," Glinda said, rubbing her hands together excitedly, "which one is mine?"

"Uh…" Elphaba hesitated, not entirely sure which was which. "That one," she said, pointing to the one closest to Glinda. Elphaba crossed her fingers under the table and silently prayed that Glinda had chosen the hot chocolate. Otherwise, everyone would be in some serious trouble.

"Yummy!" Glinda exclaimed happily as she sipped her drink. Elphaba, Fiyero, and Boq began sipping their drinks as well until Fiyero exclaimed in distaste:

"Gross! Is this hot chocolate?"

"Oh, sweet Oz…" Elphaba muttered as she looked over at Glinda, who was bouncing rapidly in her chair.

"Lalalalala," she cheered quickly, continuing her bouncing, "lalalalalala."

"You gave her coffee?" Fiyero yelled, turning toward Elphaba.

"I didn't mean to, you buffoon!" she replied just as loudly.

"Citizens of Oz!" Glinda interrupted, standing on the table as she addressed the mall full of people. "Would someone please point me to the nearest tattoo parlor?"

"What is she doing?" Boq asked.

Apparently, somebody had informed Glinda where the tattoo parlor was in the mall, and she was now frantically pulling on Boq's arm.

"Come on, Boq! You have to come help me pick out what tattoo I should get!" she explained, tugging him up the stairs. She gasped in excitement. "Maybe I could get the same one you got, but in PINK!"

"Uh, sure," he answered.

And then Fiyero and Elphaba were left.

Alone.

In a mall.

In the food court.

Together.

Forever.

But then Fiyero had to ask the one (seemingly innocent, but extremely deadly) question that anyone with common sense would have known not to ask it in front of Elphaba, but he did anyway:

"Hey, Elphie, you wanna go to the zoo?"

"THE ZOO? THE ZOO!" Elphaba screeched. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY KEEP IN CAGES AT THE ZOO? ANIMALS! AND ANIMALS!"

"Nobody can tell the difference if it's all in CAPS lock," Fiyero informed her, but she went on.

"I MEAN DON'T YOU HAVE THE COMMON SENSE TO KNOW THAT YOU DON'T JUST GO TO THE ZOO?" she continued to screech, gaining the attention of a couple of newlyweds. "EVEN IF IT WEREN'T SUCH A TERRIBLE ENVIOROMENT FOR ANIMALS, IT SMELLS LIKE MADAME MORRIBLE WITHOUT THAT DISGUSTING PERFUME THAT SHE INSISTS ON WEARING! –OZ KNOWS WHY!"

"Hey, Elphie, look at the matching tattoos Boq and I got!" Glinda called.

"It's Biq! ...Wait no, it IS Boq!" Boq replied happily.

"What're the tattoos of?" Fiyero asked, happy to be avoiding the rest Elphaba's lecture and her infamous 'Elphaba Glare.' Fiyero shivered at the memories.

"Well, I got a pretty locket, and then Bocky-poo got a key!" Glinda squealed.

"'Bocky-poo?" Elphaba snickered into her hand.

"It's a working progress," Boq said.

"I could call you Bibi," Glinda suggested.

"Nah, that's too close to my nickname," Fiyero protested.

"INTERRUPTION!" Elphaba suddenly yelled.

"What?" everyone asked.

"If you two are human and healed and stuff again," Elphaba said, "does that mean that Nessa is alive?"

The answer definite and unanimous:

"I hope not!"

But then the completely unexpected happened:

"Hey, look it's Dodo!" Glinda exclaimed as a black dog ran into the food court.

"But that means-" Elphaba began.

"That she's-" Fiyero continued.

"Bringing sexy back!" Boq finished.

Awkward silence.

"I mean," Boq corrected, "Dorothy's back!"

"Nice save," Fiyero muttered sarcastically.

"Thanks," Boq replied smugly.

"That's right, Wicked Witch of the West!" Dorothy announced to Elphaba as she ran into the room and grabbed Dodo. "I'm back and my little dog too!"

"Headdesk," Boq muttered.

Suddenly, with a cup of water that came from absolutely nowhere, Dorothy tossed it at Elphaba's head.

And it exploded.

All over her.

"That's what he said," Fiyero said.

"What?" Boq asked, having not heard the words of the amazingly talented authoress.

"Never mind."

"Oh. My. Oz." Elphaba said angrily. "I can't believe a nine-"

"Twelve!" Dorothy corrected.

"Twelve year old girl would actually believe a bunch of rumors about water melting me made up by a bunch of stupid Munchkins!"

"HEY!" Boq shouted, hurt.

"Aren't you a Munchkinlander too, Elphie?" Glinda asked.

"Technically, but I'm not a stupid one."

"That's true," Fiyero confirmed. "She's not stupid."

"Why aren't you melting?" Dorothy asked frantically, having made Elphaba mad without even killing her.

"Because this isn't bookverse, duh!" Elphaba explained.

"I don't like bookverse," commented Fiyero dryly.

"Agreed," the all said, nodding.

"So…" Dorothy said after an awkward silence. "How about you guys all forgive me for ruining the balance and order of things in Oz and I buy you all some pizza?"

"I'm in!" Glinda chimed.

"Me too!" Boq agreed.

"I'll be there!" Fiyero said. There was a silence as everyone looked at Elphaba, anticipating her answer.

"Elphie?" Glinda prompted her. "What do ya think?"

"I think…" Elphaba trailed off thinking.

"THAT I GET TO SIT NEXT TO FIYERO!" she exclaimed, jumping into Fiyero's arms.

"Aww," Boq said. "I feel bad for all those monkeys who are losing their wings right now."

"What?"

"I don't get it."

"Boq, what are you talking about?"

"And the headdesk returns," Boq muttered.

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**There you go! A****lso, I've decided to start recommending awesomely awesome WicFics filled with awesome. =) It'll be no more than four a one-shot, but I'd like it if you guys recommended some to me in the reviews as well! I'll read anything except Foq (shiver), Bessa, and Gelphie... or anything that will upset to no end. To start us off, here's my ALL TIME FAVORITE WICFIC (right now!)!**

We Meet Again

by: Wicked'elphaba-fiyero

When he was 7 he told her he loved her. He never saw her after that. 11 years later, he meets his childhood sweetheart all over again at Shiz, but they've both changed a lot since then. Should he forget the past or repeat it? FIYERABA. Shell included! (Fiyeraba)

**This is the only one for now, but I'll have more next time (unless people think it's stupid to do recs. =( Whatevs, I don't care, lol. And feel free to PM about ideas for the next one-shot or about any random crap going on in your life, IDK. Extra awesome points if you're Australians. I've found myself having a lot of Aussie Wicked friends lately. =)**

**REIVEW!**


	9. The Things Fiyero REALLY Thinks

**Fiyero: "Explain yourself, Julia!"**

***sigh* Okay, so here's the dealio, this chapter was originally supposed to be what Fiyero's actually thinking-**

**Elphaba: "Nothing?"**

**Fiyero: "Hey, I have thoughts too!"**

**Elphaba: "Yeah, just not very developed thoughts..."**

**ANYWAY! This chapter was supposed to be focused on Fiyero, but then I got bored and ended up doing something else with it, but's still funny, so deal with it! Also, I got a few PM's asking me to continue that Dorothy pizza thing, which I will do in the next chapter. And I've already got an idea of what to do thanks to... What's the name again?**

**Galinda: The Wizard?**

**Fiyero: Horrible Morrible?**

**Elphaba: Aberforth, Dumbledore's brother?**

**Boq: ...ME?**

**NOOOOO It's darkgemwildcat, duh.**

**Boq: Why didn't you just say so then?**

**...Shut up, Biq. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to SingSongRandom who I believe was my first WicFic reviewer! And now I'll stop my babbling and let you read the story. =)**

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**The Things That Go Through Fiyero's Mind (And "GAAALLLLLIIIINNNNDAAAAA!")**

"Now remember, the radius is _half_ of the diameter," Elphaba informed Fiyero strictly as she attempted to pull his attention away from the pencil on the table. She'd been trying to explain simple math equations and definitions for finals to him, and he was completely lacking in focus.

"This is hopeless, Elphaba!" Fiyero exclaimed in exasperation. "Maybe we should just give up!"

_The area of a sector is determined by the equation theta over 360 degrees times pi radius squared,_ he was actually thinking quickly.

"Whatever, just don't come crying to me when you flunk out of school… again," she muttered as Fiyero thought on.

_If the diameter is 7 feet, then the approximate area is about thirty-eight square feet and the circumference would be about twenty-two feet unless you to be more specific in your answers. In that case the correct configurations would be…_

"And then Galinda will be upset with me because I let her 'future husband' flunk out of Shiz and she'll be all like, 'ELPHIEEE, WE WERE GOING TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! WE DESERVE EACH OTHER!' and then I'll be all, 'Galinda,'" Elphaba mocked herself in a monotonous manner, "'he would've flunked out eventually. He's too busy picking out tighter white pants that make him look gay to even consider doing any ACTUAL work.' But of course, she'll brush me off, ignore for a few minutes, then go and find another trophy boyfriend."

_But if the _area_ were 7 square feet, the diameter would be just below three, and then circumference would be about nine. But putting the circle factors aside for a moment, it's quite easy to identify the similarities between finding the area of circles and of triangles or squares. All you have to do is…_

"And then she'll be all like, 'Now, Elphie, if you ever wanna be popular, you gotta toss your hair like me. Toss, toss, hehehehe,'" Elphaba droned on, imitating Galinda's popular lessons. "And of course, she'll put another ridiculous pink flower in my hair and say, 'You know Elphie, contrary to what you think, pink does go good with green.' And then I'll say in my usual buzz-kill manner, 'Pink goes _well_ with green.' And then she'll huff and run off to find The Clones."

_Pi is defined to be the ratio of the circumference of any circle divided by its diameter_, continued in Fiyero's head.

"And then," Elphaba continued, "I'll be forced to pretend to be interested in whatever homework Dr. Dillamond assigned, which everyone dreads to not end. But I mean, I'm the Artichoke, so who am I supposed to hang out with… besides Horrible Morrible who for some reason I'm trying to live out my loss of childhood through by hugging her every chance I get and being sure I impress her. Even though I'm pretty sure that in the end, she'll completely turn against me and send some twelve year-old brat to pour some water on me."

"Elphaba," Fiyero finally interrupted her, "that's the most absurd idea I've even heard… Even more absurd that when Galinda and I had a similar conversation… but she said that I'd turn into a scarecrow and Biq-"

"BOQ!" Boq shouted somewhere in the distance.

"-would end up as some Illumination Man or something like that," Fiyero muttered the last part in uncertainty.

"Okay, Fiyero," Elphaba surrendered, "now you're just being silly. How in Oz do you get turn into a scarecrow?"

"Well, it was more one of those conversations where if you ask Galinda something while she's sleeping, she'll totally answer your questions. And I asked where we'd be in four years, and that's what she said."

"What'd she say about her and I?" Elphaba asked, bemused.

"Well, she said that she'd be some public figure with really pretty blue gowns and you'd be hated by all of Oz and then you'd melt and die," he said quietly. They were both silent for a minute before Elphaba started cackling her 'Elphaba Cackle,' which was slightly less scary than the 'Elphaba Glare.'

"Whew," she said, wiping a tear from her eye, "that was a good one Fiyero! I didn't know you had such a good sense of humor!"

"Umm, thank you?" Fiyero said. "But don't give me all the credit, Galinda said it first!"

"Oh, trust me," Elphaba retorted, "I won't give you any credit at all."

"Gah," Fiyero groaned in frustration as Elphaba grinned evilly.

"What's your problem, Tiggular?" Elphaba asked.

_I'll bet Elphaba and I are gonna be together forever_, Fiyero thought, a bit off subject. _That is, once I'm a scarecrow and she 'melts.' But then I'd have to go through all those tortuous punishments from the Gale Force again…_

"Fiyero? Fiyero! FIIIYYYERRRROOOO!" Elphaba sang/screamed in his ear dramatically **(A/N: No Good Deed style)**.

"NO! I'LL DO ANYTHING, JUST DON'T HURT THE WHITE PANTS!" Fiyero screamed as he had a short daydream.

"Uhh, what?" Elphaba asked awkwardly.

"Uhh, what?" Fiyero asked.

"Uhh, what was that you just said?"

"Uhh, what I just said was asking you what you were 'Uhh, what?'-ing about."

"Uhh, no before that."

"Uhh, the thing about the white pants?"

"Uhh, yeah, exactly the thing about the white pants."

Fiyero shivered uncomfortably.

"The future," Fiyero warned seriously, "is absolutely horrifying."

"You have visions too?" Elphaba asked incredulously.

"Uhh, sure!" Fiyero exclaimed.

"That is nothing to be happy about," Aphrodite (**A/N: from the House of Night books**), who suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Visions suck."

"This isn't your story! Be gone! POOF!" Elphaba exclaimed, waving his arms around then throwing them dramatically towards Aphrodite who promptly disappeared.

"That was cool," Fiyero commented casually.

"Eh, it was okay," Elphaba replied.

_Once Elphaba and I are married,_ Fiyero reasoned, _I'm sure she'll let me call her Elphie! Just like Galinda calls her! Yeah, goal created. Step one, marry Elphie. Step two, call her Elphie. Step three, count the seconds it takes for her to hang me by my toes for the fifth time this month. Step four, apologize. Step five, inform Galinda of the fact that Elphaba and I are married and that I'm (finally) breaking up with her. Step six, inform Elphaba of the fact I only just recently broke up with Galinda. Step seven, watch the clouds float by as I hang by my toes. Step seven, live happily ever!_

"FIIYYYERROOOO-" Elphaba began to sing/scream again.

"!" he sang/screamed in unison. They both cut off a few minutes later on Elphaba's cue.

They looked at each other in awe.

"That should totally be a song," Elphaba commented.

"Totally," Fiyero replied rather smugly.

A few minutes later, as Fiyero doodled on his arm and Elphaba read a book, they heard a very distinct voice singing to the same tune they'd been singing, but with a different name.

"GAALLLLIIIINNNNDDDAAAAAAA!" the voice screamed/sang in a really high key.

Oddly enough, (to Fiyero, at least) it wasn't even Boq singing it- no… It was Galinda.

"Figures," Elphaba muttered.

"She has got like, the hugest head in the world," Fiyero observed.

"I DO NOT HAVE A BIG HEAD FIYERO!" they heard Galinda shout from across campus.

"How does she DO that?" they both exclaimed in awe. Fiyero sniffed his nose awkwardly in the silence that followed.

"You wanna make out?" he asked.

"NO!"

* * *

**There ya go! And now for the recommendation of the chapter:**

**Soul Complications by unsnappedelphie Rating: K+ My rating: **** Four stars.**

**"Fiyero arrives at Shiz & takes an immediate liking to Elphaba but she isn't so trusting. What happens when she finds herself falling for him and her future is on the line too? Musical-verse, Shiz-era. FIYERABA." Not Yet Completed.**

**Please go and review! It's a great story and it doesn't have the reviews it deserves! Also, it's got some of that Charlie St. Cloud stuff in there too, so that's nice. If you don't wanna read it, at least review with something silly like, "The raccoon eats bacon at midnight on Tuesdays."**

**Have an Oz-tastic Day!**

**=)**

**P.S. Question for the Peanut Gallery: Does anyone have the slightest idea as to what Dr. Dillamond was doing under a sheet in the Monkey cage in the first place? Crazy...**


	10. Watch it, Bud

**Another continuation of the little series where everyone (except for Nessa and all the other stupid Ozians) goes and gets pizza with Doro-fry, as requested my darkgemwildcat (AGAIN!)**

**Recs down below. Reviews make me happy, and keep me from randomly crying in self-pity! WEEEEEEEEE!**

* * *

**Watch it, Bud.**

"Okay, so I have to ask this or I'm gonna die," Glinda said as everyone sat at a table with two large pizzas in front of them. They were sitting in a semi-circle booth where Dorothy sat next to Fiyero, who sat next to Elphaba, who sat next to Glinda, who sat next to Boq, who was putting some girl's number into his cell phone.** (A/N: Yeah, they've got cell phones in Oz. You gotta problem with that?)**

"What is it?" Dorothy asked.

"Where in Lurline's name did you get a Platinum Oz card?" Glinda asked.

Elphaba quickly slapped her hand onto Fiyero's mouth before he could start singing.

"Oh!" Dorothy exclaimed, looking a little sheepish. "I stole it from the fatty behind the curtain at the Wizard's palace."

"Hehehe," Elphaba muttered.

"So, Fiyero" Dorothy said flirtatiously, scooting closer to Fiyero, who scooted away from her slightly, "you wanna ditch these guys and come back to Kansas with me?"

"Uhh," Fiyero hesitated.

"Say what?" Elphaba exclaimed.

"Well," Dorothy continued, slipping her arm through Fiyero's, who was now EXTREMELY uncomfortable, "Fiyero and I kind of have a history together, if you will." Glinda and Boq looked on in interest, as if watching Quadling Shore or something.** (A/N: Who can be totally clever and tell what this is a reference to? LOL)**

"I will not! He's like twice your age, you little-" Elphaba declared, slamming her napkin down in outrage.

"Elphaba," Fiyero soothed her, "let me handle this." Elphaba nodded stiffly and Fiyero turned back to Dorothy calmly.

"Now, two things, Dorothy," he began. "One," he said sticking up his middle finger, "you're a prune-face and I love Elphie-"

"Don't call me that!" Elphaba hummed under her breath but otherwise made no sound.

"-And two," Fiyero said, sticking up his index finger, "I'M LIKE TWICE YOUR AGE!"

"Age is but a number!" Dorothy pointed out, looking into his eyes like Nessa used to look at Boq. Creepy…

"GAH, that is soo my line, girl," Edward Cullen (who came from nowhere) objected, snapping his fingers in a Z-formation.

"AHH!" Elphaba yelled, flailing her arms around dramatically. "THIS ISN'T YOUR STORY, SUAGR-PLUM FAIRY! BE GONE! POOF!"

And he was gone, leaving a scarred for life twelve year-old, and an extremely angsty feeling Boq…

"How come you can make Edward Cullen disappear, but I can't make a ball gown appear?" Glinda huffed.

"Because I'm a model, you know what I mean-" Fiyero began to sing, but was cut off by Elphaba.

"I told you, Yero! We decided not to do that!" she reminded him.

"But I practiced it for weeks!" he whined. Elphaba pinched his ear.

"OW OW OW OW OW!" Elphaba let go, and Fiyero turn to her and glared. "WHY?"

"You were getting annoying," she replied simply. Dorothy once again scooted closer to Fiyero.

"Ya know, Fifi-" she said.

"-That's my nickname for him!" Glinda squealed for a moment before looking sheepishly at Boq, but Dorothy didn't notice.

"-if you were with me, you'd never be in pain," she whispered seductively.

"Okay," Fiyero interrupted, "once again, YOU ARE LIKE NINE-"

"Twelve."

"-TWELVE YEARS-OLD!" Fiyero shouted. "Fall in love with someone your own age… or at least the same height… Hey, Biq, what do ya think?"

"You're kidding me right?" Boq asked, glancing nervously at a pissed looking Glinda.

"Good choice," she muttered huffily.

"Umm, why don't you date…" Fiyero looked around for options.

"Random Ozian Number One?" Elphaba interrupted. "He's very determined to kill me, so I that means he's got commitment… you know, if you really want a relationship."

"But I want FIYERO!" Dorothy whined.

"But want ELPHIE!" Fiyero whined in reply, even louder.

"Elphaba!" Elphaba yelled indignantly.

"But I want ELPHABA!" Fiyero corrected himself.

"I've got Boq!" Glinda declared.

"I've got Miss Glinda!" Boq cheered. Dorothy huffed.

"But I want FIYERO!" she screamed.

Elphaba sniffed in the awkward silence that followed.

"Hey, Fiyero?" Elphaba asked.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna make out?"

"Totally!"

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Now... it's time to review the FF that makes me laugh EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT. IT! And you guy'll know what I'm talking about after you read...**

Far Longer Than Forever by phoenixgirl23 Rated T Romance/Drama

The day with the Lion Cub changed everything. Where do Elphaba and Fiyero go from here, and what obstacles will their new love face? Shiz-era, AU, Musical-verse, Fiyeraba.

**Now, I've only got two words to fully describe how I feel about this story: Vinkun. Wildflower. Hahaha, that's a wonderful thing, trust me! And not phony wonderful like the fatty behind the curtain. I would very strongly urge you to read this FF. Also, if you've got a FF you want me to read, or someone else's that you read, let me know a review or PM. And don't be too shy to PM me, I love random small talk. =)**

**Review!**

**Fiyero: "Eh... I don't FEEL like it."**

**Review or I'll bring Dorothy back without Elphie and I'll lock you in a dark room with her... forever.**

**Fiyero: "OH! Now, where's that review button again?"**


	11. Elphie's Birthday Surprise

**Here it is! Now this chapter was inspired by and is dedicated to artemis-roth (or potentially creepy old fat man very much resembling the Wizard who still lives in his mother's basement-take that information as you please- and has a gross stain on his shirt from KFC chicken! hehe inside jokes). And happy super late birthday! ****You better love this chapter or I will make Fiyero bald... seriously. **

**Fiyero: "You wouldn't."**

**Elphaba: "Yes she would. Didn't you see what she did to Galinda that one time with the-"**

**Galinda: "WE DON'T SPEAK OF THAT ANYMORE!"**

**Review!**

* * *

**Elphie's Birthday Surprise**

_Ugh_, Elphaba groaned in her head. It was that day again. You know, the one that pretty much decided that she'd live a life of suffering, loneliness, and greenness. That's right.

It was her birthday.

Elphaba never celebrated her birthday for several reasons. One, she despised her birthday because it was the day she was born green, and the reason her parents had taken the precautions that led to a crippled Nessarose. Two, she'd never had any friends or family who cared enough about her to care about her birthday. Sure, she probably could've told Galinda or Boq or Fiyero about her birthday being today, but Galinda would throw her an unnecessary ball in 'honor' of her birthday, Boq would just get her a pair of socks (like he did for Nessa), and Fiyero probably wouldn't care… Well, that's at least what Elphaba told herself.

He hadn't been the same since the Lion Cub incident… commotion, as he'd referred to it as.

"ELPHIE!" Galinda squealed.

"Wha-huh?" Elphaba stuttered, being pulled out of her thoughts.

"I asked you if you would PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go shopping with me after class?" she repeated, batting her eyelashes in what Elphaba guessed was supposed to be charming.

"Whatever," she replied, not really caring. "Just don't try to buy me anything this time."

"I'll meet you at our dorm room at four o'clock, 'kay?" Galinda responded, deliberately ignoring Elphaba's only condition.

"Uh huh, sure," Elphaba agreed flatly. The two girls parted as they went to their classes.

7777777As Long As You're Perfect Together7777777

"No, no, no," Boq corrected expertly. "It's black, black, green, black green; not black green green black black!" Pfanee and Shenshen, who were putting napkins on the long table in the Ozdust, rolled their eyes.

"Why does it even matter? She probably won't appreciate it anyway. Isn't she like, an anti-party person?" Pfanee whined.

"Hey," Boq surrendered, putting his arms up, "I'm just doing what this clipboard says. Take any complaints you have up with the boss."

"And by 'boss' you mean 'Fiyero,' right?" Shenshen asked stupidly.

"And by 'Fiyero,' you mean 'his abs,' right?" Pfanee giggled.

"His abs _are_ pretty boss, aren't they?" Boq muttered, in deep thought.

"Uh oh, Boq's got that look on his face where he's thinking, but it looks like his getting ready to poo his pants," Shenshen observed.

"Hehe, you said 'poo,'" Pfanee giggled.

999999999Wonderful Fatty of Fattiness999999999

"Okay, Elphie, now try this one on!" Galinda squealed holding a blue dress up in front of Elphaba.

"No, no, no, no, no! I already tried on three others!" Elphaba complained. "And it's not like I have anywhere to go."

"But you and this dress deserve each other!" Galinda continued to argue. "And you never know when Fiyero might ask you out on a date."

"Excuse me? As if I'd ever date 'It,'" Elphaba gaped at her, faking disgust. "Besides, I thought you two were dating."

"Nope," Galinda shook her head, "we broke it off a few days ago."

"Really? Why?" Elphaba asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

"Well, we'd been dating for almost an entire week!" Galinda replied, as if the idea were atrocious. "It was really a mutual thing, I guess."

"But I thought you two were 'going to be married?'" Elphaba teased, using Galinda's words from the night she'd met Fiyero.

"Well, sometimes people find other people to love, and I don't like to be tied down," Galinda informed her.

"Hehe, tied down" giggled Elphaba, a little bit out of character, before she snatched the dress out of Galinda's hands and went to go try it on.

4444BluePinkPretzels4444

"And that's why Nessa doesn't like whipped cream," Boq finished grandly.

"Ohhh," Pfanee and Shenshen replied in awe.

"Are you guys finished already?" a voice called from the hallway.

"Uh no?" Bow responded hesitantly.

"Well, get back to work! This party has got to be perfect!" the voice replied.

"Why can't Fiyero be in love with ME?" Pfanee whined.

"Seriously," Shenshen agreed, "like, how do you go from dating Galinda Upland, to being in love with the Artichoke?"

"I don't know," Boq shrugged. "All I know is that now that Miss Galinda is single, I've finally got a chance!"

"Uh huh, sure you do," Shenshen muttered in disbelief.

88888888Funny Transition Here88888888

"Come on, Elphie!" Galinda whined. "I swear, I just need to go down to the Ozdust and find my purse!"

"And you can go get it," Elphaba agreed, "after you drop me off at Shiz!"

"It'll only take a few minutes!" she continued to whine, bouncing up and down in Elphaba's face.

"How do you just forget a bright pink purse with half of your belongings in it and only remember about it, a week later?" Elphaba asked exasperatedly, and Galinda took that as surrender.

"Let's go, Elphie!" Galinda squealed, pulling her into the carriage they'd been travelling around in that day.

333FiyeroMournstheWicked333

"Oh my Oz, oh my Oz, oh my Oz, oh my Oz," Fiyero muttered nervously under his breath as he paced around in the Ozdust. He'd just gotten a call from Galinda saying that she and Elphaba were five minutes away, and he was considering the things that could go wrong.

What if she dies of a heart attack?

What if Shenshen and Pfanee don't popped out from behind the tables at the time their supposed to?

What if they walked in the room and Fiyero was just pacing around in a circle?

What if he accidentally calls her Elphie and she hangs him by his toes?

…..Again?

"WHAT IF I GO BALD?" Fiyero yelled in worry, pulling his hands through his hair.

It was a well known fact that Fiyero's eyes and hair were his main weapons when charming girls. If he lost the shiny brown locks, his eyes would be useless against the ever-stubborn Elphaba.

"I just saw the carriage pull up front, and Galinda's trying to convince Elphaba to come with her," Boq informed Fiyero as Pfanee, Shenshen, and Nessarose hid behind their designated hiding spots.

"Now, where did you say you put the purse?" Elphaba asked, exceedingly frustrated with Galinda.

"I think I left it over by the far back door closet, because that's where Fiyero and I made out that night- I mean, what?" Galinda cut herself off, blushing.

Fiyero face-palmed.

"Headdesk," Boq muttered.

"What does that even mean?" Fiyero whispered.

"You're such a noob."

"What does that-?"

"Okay, so it wasn't in the closet. It must be in the ballroom then," Galinda said.

"Honestly, Galinda," Elphaba groaned, "this wild goose chase for your purse is absolutely-"

"SURPRISE!" the five friends yelled, jumping out of the hiding places- well, Nessa didn't jump but only because… well, you know.

"HOLY FREAKIN' SHIZ!" Elphaba shrieked, doing an uncharacteristic surprised roll on the floor.

"Happy birthday, Elphie!" Galinda squealed, giving Elphaba a hug when she'd recovered.

"Wha- And how did you-" Elphaba stuttered.

"I may have accidentally-on purpose told Fiyero that your birthday was today," Nessarose informed her, not in the least bit ashamed.

"But- and I- and you- my birthday- and you guys- with the hiding- and the- What?" Elphaba finally managed.

Fiyero answered her by running up to her and hugging her warmly as Galinda went and joined Pfanee and Shenshen.

"Surprised?" he whispered.

"Did you do all of this?" Elphaba asked, finally managing to complete a sentence.

"Well, Biq-"

"BOQ!"

"-and the girls did some of the work, but I did the planning," he replied, grinning proudly.

"Ya know," Elphaba said, matter-of-factly, "if you put this amount of effort into schoolwork, you'd get better grades than I do."

"But you get straight- OH!" realization shined in his face. "So that means you like it?"

"Hmm," she hummed, looking over the room again. "I think you went a little overboard on the green, but it's the thought that counts."

"That's strange because I usually don't think at all," Fiyero chuckled, and Elphaba laughed in response.

"True, true," she agreed before being pulled over to the long table by Galinda. Elphaba was promptly forced to open and accept every gift on the table, much to her distaste.

"Wow, Nessa," Elphaba said with flat enthusiasm after opening the first present, "thank you for… the socks… I'll think of you every time I wear them."

"So that she can imagine she's stepping on her," Galinda muttered to Fiyero.

"Better her than Dorothy," Boq said in a normal tone.

"What was that, Boq?" Nessa asked.

"Nothing."

"Boq… you got me socks too?" Elphaba asked, holding up another, practically identical pair of blue socks.

"Actually," Boq corrected, "that pair was half-off."

"Like I said before to Fiyero," Elphaba said. "It's the thought that counts."

"And that would equal two thoughts," Fiyero nodded, putting up two fingers.

"How do you figure that?" Galinda asked.

"Because there are TWO socks," Fiyero shrugged. "And people think I'm stupid…"

"Why state the obvious?" Elphaba asked, and everyone but Fiyero laughed.

"Just open your presents."

"Ooo!" Galinda squealed. "Elphie, open the one with pink tissue paper! That one's from me!"

"No duh," Boq muttered to no one in particular.

"Gee, Galinda," Elphaba exclaimed after opening the bag, again faking excitement. "Thank you so much for the- Okay, what in Lurline's name is this?"

"That, is a fez!" Galinda informed her matter-of-factly.

"Why…?" Elphaba asked, her face directed toward the ceiling.

"Well," Galinda said, "you never know when a fez might come in handy and-"

"That was rhetorical," Elphaba snapped.

"What's that mean?"

"It's means it wasn't meant to be answered."

"Ohhh, do mind if I borrow that word sometime?" Galinda asked, awestruck.

"Sure, know yourself out."

"Wait, aren't fezzes for like… guys?" asked Fiyero.

"Well, maybe one day she'll have a nice man-friend-" nudge, nudge "-who she'll deem worthy to wear it," Galinda replied.

"I'd have to be mentally insane after everyone I loved either died or turned against ne before I'd curse any human being to wear this hat!" Elphaba reckoned.

"Hmph," Galinda sighed. "Well, you'll thank me one day."

"We didn't get you gifts," Pfanee said sheepishly, "because we didn't know what you'd want."

"Not getting me a present is all I could've ask for," Elphaba cackled.

"But didn't," Galinda pointed out.

"Whatever."

"Mine next!" Fiyero called out, shoving a large box in Elphaba direction.

"Erg, Fiyero, what the fez did you get me?" Elphaba exclaimed before opening it.

"It's… a music box," she said, no emotion in her voice.

"Wind it up!" Fiyero replied excitedly. Elphaba did so, and her eye began to twitch when she heard Fiyero mechanical voice singing:

"Dancing through dorms, disturbing the quiet, Elphaba's gonna kill me today."

In his corner of the table where he'd been standing, Fiyero was now lamely lip-syncing swaying back and forth.

"I'm just dancing, but knowing she hates dancing, it's just school, so keep dancing through," Fiyero finished with a loud howl of self-approval.

Elphaba's eye continued to twitch, but she didn't move to hang him by his toes. Instead, the entire room was silent for 5 minutes and 46.874672947 seconds.

Boq sniffed awkwardly.

"Miss Galinda, would you like to-"

"THE CHAPTER ISN'T OVER YET!" Elphaba screeched before stomping to Fiyero and kissing him.

"Wha- and you with the- and the monkeys- GAHHHH!" Fiyero finally sighed lovingly.

"Okay," Elphaba decided, "now the chapter can be over!" And then she and Fiyero started a make-out session and Nessa eyed Boq suggestively.

"Ew," he murmured, looking… well, everywhere except for at Nessa.

* * *

_The Witch fiercely pulled the Scarecrow, in his human form, into a long make-out session._

Dorothy Gale's eyes snapped open from the nightmare.

_**OH OZZZZ NO!**_

* * *

**There you go! Moving onto the rec (if anyone actually reads them):**

Fiyero Would by deeplyshallow K+ Humor/Parody

A completely unbiased or is it? account of Fiyero Vs Edward Cullen and those dreaded non fictional Normal Guys...

**This is absolutely GENIUS! And here's a second one because I get antsy and biased waiting:**

Dancing Through Parodies by ImJustMakingUpRandomStuff K Parody/Humor

I've chosen to not post an official description, because I helped write it with the help of my new Aussie (Yes, I've got about twenty of them now... I'm taking over Australia one Wicked fan at a time... MWAHAHA!) friend, Jamie Jazz. Over 400 words of Dancing Through Life parodies. And we'll be continuing it, so check it out! OR ELSE!

**REVIEW AND MAKE SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEXT ONE-SHOTS! CAUSE SERIOUSLY, I'VE GOT NOTHING!**

**Elphaba: "It's true. She even resorted to asking-"**

**We do not speak of that!**


	12. Beware the Australianans!

**Okay, I'm going to go ahead and ask all you Australian readers out there to not hate me just a little and to still review even though... well, you'll see. I'm sure you guy'll think it's funny. Seriously, it's all in good humor, I swear... Some of it anyway... Also, thank you to several of you who've been giving me the necessary information I needed to overthrow your government. Expect a new leader soon =) Jk, I won't overthrow you! I love the accents too much!**

**This chapter is dedicated to pheonixgirl23 because a little birdy tweeted me that you were stressed. STRESS BE-GONE! Poof!**

**Read and Review!**

* * *

"Pssst, Fae," Fiyero whispered. It'd be a year since they'd escaped Oz, and they were camped out under the stars. Usually, they didn't a fire lit because of Fiyero's… 'condition,' but Elphaba had found a super easy transformation spell in a fortune cookie that she got in a Fliaan restaurant.

"DON'T CALL ME-" Elphaba began to scream. "Wait… what?"

"Yeah, it's taken me six years, three nonexistent brains, and a toothbrush to think of a good nickname, but I finally got it," he replied, grinning smugly in the dark.

"Fae…" Elphaba murmured softly. "That's really sweet, Fiyero."

"Does that mean we can make out now?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course it does- Wait! You used a toothbrush to think of a nickname for me?" she yelled, outraged.

"Uhh, yes?"

"I've heard stranger."

"So… then we can make out now?"

"Eh, no," Elphaba shrugged.

"Why not?" squeaked Fiyero, a little bit uncharacteristically.

"Because we're in a fluffy fanfiction where we're not supposed to make out. We're just supposed to say cute things to each other," she replied matter-of-factly.

"…What?" he asked stupidly.

"We're being watched!" Elphaba exclaimed.

"By who?" Fiyero responded, completely serious.

"Millions of teenage girls who think you're hunky," she continued.

"Ooo," Fiyero cooed in awe.

"And most of them are those terribly dangerous Australianans-"

"What's an Australianan?" Fiyero asked.

"It's a disgusting race of creatures with charming accents who've learned to survive by eating kangaroos on a faraway island, living off of Americananst tourist money," Elphaba said with a grave expression on her face.

"What's an American?"

"Pretty much the equivalent of an all mighty and awesome being."

"Wow… those Australianans sure sound terrible," Fiyero muttered.

"You got that right," Elphaba nodded.

"…But they think I'm hunky?"

"I know, it's terrible, isn't it?" Elphaba sobbed dramatically.

"Yes, but can you blame them?" Fiyero asked, tossing his hair back. "I am very hunky."

"…Sometimes I question your sexuality."

"Do you want me to prove it?"

"How would you prove your- OHHHHHH!" she realized, her eyes widening.

"Uh huh," Fiyero hummed smugly.

"Umm, no."

"Why not?"

"I told you before, this is fluff, not smut or lemon. This is a humorous fluff… Like most Fiyerabas," Elphaba said.

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!"

"Headdesk," she muttered.

"WHAT DOES _THAT_ MEAN?"

* * *

**Sorry about the obvious lack of about... oh, twenty more pages or so, but this was all I had for this particular topic. SUGGESTIONS ARE STILL WELCOME, PEOPLE! Even you devious Australianans can suggest a topic if you want. Jk, I love you guys! You make up the majority of my reviewers! =D**

**Story Recs:**

I Could Do Without You / Fiyeraba / Rating: T / Romance-Friendship / In-Progress

Fiyero and Elphaba hate each other. Can anything teach them to get along? AU Booksical. Fiyeraba, of course! Rated T for later chapters. Glinda/OC.

**Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know bookverse stresses some people-*eyes Fiyero***

**Fiyero: "What does that mean!"**

**-out, but it could easily be read as a musicalverse FF, I swear. =)**

**REVIEW AND SHARE AND SUGGEST AND-**

**Fiyero: "Keep dancing through-"**

**Elphaba: "No!"**

**Fiyero: "LIIIIIFEEEEEE!"**


	13. Defying Carriages

**WOO! Here we go! Also, this chapter is dedicated to Elphaba wannabe for putting up with my forgetfulness.**

**Boq: _Awesome_ forgetfulness.**

**Suck up. I'll be honest, I didn't even try to start writing a one-shot until earlier this week, but I pulled through, and here is now some good old Fiyeraba bickering. =)**

**Fiyero: "Just for the record, I hate this one-shot."**

**Elphaba: "You're just mad because you didn't get to sing Sexy Back in that other one-shot."**

**Fiyero: "Well duh!"**

**REVIEW!**

* * *

**Defying Carriages**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Just get into the carriage already!"

"I WILL NOT!"

"What're you so afraid of?"

"All the sharp stuff could damage my beautiful face!"

"I've done this a million times, Yero. Trust me."

"THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID RIGHT BEFORE YOU RAN OFF AND ALMOST GOT CAPTURED BY THE GALE FORCE BUT THEN I SAVED YOU AND GOT TURNED INTO A SCARECROW!"

"Yes, but now you're not a scarecrow anymore, so you need this."

"BUT WHAT IF-"

"Fiyero, just get in the dang carriage!"

"DON'T WANNA!"

"FIYEROOOOOOOOOO!" **(A/N: Again, No Good Deed style!)**

"ELPHABAAAAAAAA!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAT!"

"DO YOU WANNA MAKE OOOOUUUUUUUTTTT!"

"NOT REAAAALLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Why not?"

"Don't be such a baby, you know why not!"

"Please?"

"No."

"I don't have to go?"

"No, you still have to go."

"Glinda would NEVER force this upon me."

"Yes, but Glinda isn't here."

"I could go and find her."

"Yeah, and she'd scream bloody murder, because you're supposed to be dead, stupid."

"Again, with the lousy nicknames."

"I just don't understand why you don't like it!"

"It makes me nervous, okay?"

"Okay."

"I don't have to go?"

"No, you still have to go."

"Damn."

"I find it quite soothing, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't."

"Fiyero, pleeeeaaaase get into the carriage?"

"NO."

"Pwease?"

"Oh, now you're begging?"

"Yes."

"Yes, I don't have to go?"

"No."

"No, I can stay here?"

"GET IN THE CARRIAGE, FIYERO!"

"I. Don't. Want. To!"

"It's not that bad, I swear!"

"I'm gonna die!"

"No, you won't, Fiyero! It's just the dentist!"

* * *

**Hehehehehe Funny right? No? Darn, maybe next time! Now for the recs!**

Art Class by Elphaba wannabe Rating: K Humor/Parody COMPLETE

Morrible is teaching a art class for 5 year old glinda, elphaba, and fiyero. hilarity will ensue

**Absolutely adorable, and precious. Fell in love with it when I read the description. Go and review, it deserves WAYYY more review than it has. And.. I owe Elphaba wannabe for keeping her waiting this long!**

**See ya next time!**


	14. FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS!

**Behold! The results of staying up till 1:30AM on nothing but Pixi-Stix and Dr. Pepper! This is seriously something I made up on the spot, with no planning whatsoever, so be nice! Also, this may or may not be the last one-shot for a short while. Why? Well, I'm attempting to write my first Fiyeraba! And it's hard!**

**Fiyero: "No, really... It's like... really hard."**

**Elphaba: "Kudos to all you regular Fiyeraba writers... Julia sucks at it."**

**Galinda: "And the fact that Fiyero is her assistant doesn't help..."**

**SHUT UP!**

* * *

On the first day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: A cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the second day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Two stalking Nessa's, and a cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the third day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and a cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the fourth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and a cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the fifth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the sixth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the seventh day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the eighth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Eight balding Frexes, seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the ninth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Nine Dodo's barking, eight balding Frexes, seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the tenth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Ten houses spinning, nine Dodo's barking, eight balding Frexes, seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the eleventh day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Eleven Horrible Morrible's, ten houses spinning, nine Dodo's barking, eight balding Frexes, seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

On the twelfth day of Lurlinemas, the Wizard gave to me: Twelve wasted minutes, eleven Horrible Morrible's, ten houses spinning, nine Dodo's barking, eight balding Frexes, seven green skinned babies, six pairs of white pants, FIVE FIYERABA FLUFFS! Four Fatty Fatties, three hyper Glinda's, two stalking Nessa's, and cute Munchkin being creepy.

* * *

**High five if you actually went through it and read/sang it... As for the people who skipped to the last one immediately... I hate you. JK, love you! =) Recs:**

10 Things I Hate About You Rating: K Friendship/Angst Complete

musicalverse Shiz-era Fiyerba angst and Gelphie friendship. Galinda finds a poem under Elphaba's pillow.

**It's soooo sweet, and it made me giggle a little bit! Go enjoy it!**

**REVIEW!**


	15. That Time I Locked Fiyeraba In A Closet

**Okay, guys, sorry I haven't updating in FO-EVA! I've been working really hard on my Fiyeraba, and that is exactly what inspired this one-shot. Basically, I told one my FF friends that I was writing my first Fiyeraba, and she advised me to lock Elphie and Fiyero in a closet together... It worked!...After several days of chaos...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"LET US OUT, JULIA!" Elphaba yelled, continuing to bang on the closet door.

"Not until you guys produce a good Fiyeraba!" I shouted in reply, staring at the blank Word document that was supposed to be my Fiyeraba fic.

"Why can't you just be a Foq shipper? I'm bored!" she complained.

"Eww! Not Foq!" Fiyero shouted in agony.

"I'm gonna have to agree with Fifi on this one," I said. "Foq is just _wrong_."

"Is that a brown Skittle?" Fiyero exclaimed.

"That's not a natural color for a Skittle!" Elphaba replied in disgust.

"Oh, get over it! It's probably still good!" I yelled at them before muttering, "Pansies."

"I heard that!" Fiyero replied.

"Heard what?" I asked cleverly.

"Um…. I don't know," he said.

"Oz, Fiyero, you are so hopeless!" Elphaba told him.

"Ooo, this is good angst potential!" I said to myself, preparing to type.

"You're right," I heard Fiyero reply, "and I'm sorry. I should be smarter for you."

"WHAT? This is not a fluff!" I screamed.

"We don't like you," Fiyero stated plainly in reply.

"…That wasn't very nice," Elphaba said.

"Ooo, arguing!" I whispered.

"You're right, Elphaba," Fiyero agreed. "I'm sorry, Julia."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I screamed. "WHY WON'T YOU TWO JUST ARGUE ALREADY?"

"Because you haven't fed us in weeks, and the only food we have left are a bag of Milky-Ways and this disgusting brown Skittle," Elphaba replied.

"That Skittle is perfectly fine!" I protested. "And what's wrong with Milky-Ways?"

"I'm allergic to chocolate," Elphaba said matter-of-factly.

"Since when?"

"Since forever, stupid!" she yelled back before muttering to Fiyero, "And she call herself a Fiyeraba fan?"

"And what about Fiyero?" I asked, ignoring the snide remark.

"Fiyero says he doesn't like them because it's only got half the nougat of a 3 Musketeers bar," Elphaba said.

"Do you really need to speak for Fiyero all the time?" I asked.

"Well, the last time he tried to make a point to you, you tried to make out with him."

"That was one time!" I shouted, blushing, and smiling at the memory.

"That was one suckish-"

"Don't say that word!" I screamed.

"Why not?" Fiyero asked.

"Because it's referring to a girl-"

"Okay, we get it!" Elphaba interrupted.

"Hehehe, I made Elphie uncomfortable!" I sang.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Unicorn puppies!" Fiyero sang.

"What?" Elphaba and I asked in unison.

"Ouch!" Fiyero gasped.

"Elphaba… did you just slap him?" I asked.

"…Maybe."

"That makes for a good angst-fic! Good job, Elphie!" I congratulated her.

"What about me?" Fiyero asked.

"You don't like Milky-Ways."

"So?"

"So now you're only my first favorite Wicked character," I said.

"Darn it," he cursed.

"Wait, what was he before he was your first favorite?" Elphaba asked.

"Ugh," I groaned, rolling my eyes, "he was my ONLY favorite character. Now, as I am saying that he is my first favorite, it implies that there is a second favorite and a third favorite…"

"This chick is a nutcase," Elphaba muttered as I counted.

"Hey!"

"Hay is for horses!" Fiyero declared, obviously proud of himself for knowing what horses ate.

"Somebody once told me the world was macaroni so I took a bite out of the tree," I began singing.

"What the-" Elphaba started.

"It tasted kinda a funky so I spat it a Monkey-"

"It better not have been Chistery…"

"And the Monkey started flying towards me," I finished.

Fiyero clapped, Elphaba fumed, and I still had no Fiyeraba angst.

Darn.

* * *

**I wrote this in about thirty minutes, WOOT! It's a little short, but I've gotta get back to the angsty world of Fiyeraba, but I really wanted to update for you guys!**

**Recs:**

**...Ummmm IDK, I haven't read any worthwhile fics in a while... Of course, I've been trying to write MY OWN, but if you guys know any good ones, let me know!**

**Also, as is my new thing to say, ESTOY POOPIN! Nah, I'm just kidding.**

**Review!**


	16. The AntiLollipop Guild

** I DIDN'T UPDATE ALL SUMMER, WHERE HAVE I BEEN! Oh yeah, I was writing my Fiyeraba... and reading The  
Hunger Games... And forgetting to feed Elphaba and Fiyero (who are still in my closet and refuse to eat Pippin)... And obsessing over Josh Hutcherson's face... And not writing any one-shots because I got boring. *shrug***

**Anyway, sorry I haven't posted anything in awhile. I totally forgot where to go to upload stuff, hehe. Special thanks to Carlie- No wait... No... what's her pen-name? Ugh, what is... it...? Umm, phoenixgirl23 or something, right? It should be VINKUNWILDFLOWERQUEEN... All in favor? Anyway, thanks to her for giving me inspiration for the Anti-Lollipop Guild... because she didn't think it was good enough for her fic... Whatever... I'm not hurt...**

**Elphaba: "She spent the last month crying over it."**

**Fiyero: "Yeah, we thought somebody had died."**

**Pippin: "..."**

**Fiyero and Elphaba: "Agree."**

**Okay, enough rambling, HERE YOU GO!**

* * *

"It's official!" Galinda squealed randomly as she and Elphaba were sitting on their beds in their dorm... at their college.

"What's official?" Elphaba asked monotonously.

"Well, I was just planning a fun trip that our entire group could take, and now I've found it!" Galinda answered, unfazed by her noninterest.

"And that is?"

"Oh, it's a surprise! Fiyero and I have been exchanging ideas for the last few days and now I've decided as to where we can go!" she informed Elphaba before Fiyero burst into the room in all his expensively shampooed hair and tight white pants glory.

"Did I hear my name?" he asked, grinning as he plopped onto Elphaba's bed and put an arm around her.

Smack.

"Ow!" Fiyero whined, his voice strangely high-pitched as he cradled his face with his hand.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there," Elphaba lied, glaring at him.

Galinda gasped.

"Are you guys fighting?"

"NO!" Elphaba exclaimed instantly.

"Yes, we are," Fiyero reminded her.

"No, we're not."

"Yes, we're are."

"No… we're not."

"Yes… we really are."

"No, we're not, Fiyero."

"Then why are you still mad at me?"

"I ain't even mad though."

"HEY!" Galinda yelled.

"WHAT?" they both replied loudly.

"Why are guys fighting?" she asked, cowering slightly.

"Elphaba said-" Fiyero began but was cut off by Elphaba punching him in the stomach.

"Fiyero told me it's a stupid idea to form the Anti-Lollipop Guild, when it's totally a good idea to protest those stupid outfits, and makeup, and baldness, and shortness," Elphaba told Galinda matter-of-factly as Fiyero doubled over in pain.

"But… Isn't the Lollipop Guild like… your government or something?" Galinda asked confusifiedly.

"And isn't shortness part of your Munchkin ethnicity or something?" Fiyero added and then gasped. "Are you being racist?"

Elphaba scowled at the both of them.

"Fine then, I don't want close-minded jerks like you guys in my group anyway," she sneered, quickly leaving the room.

"Elphie! We're supposed to get ready for our trip!" Galinda cried out in dramatic despair.

"Oh, you finally decided where we should go?" Fiyero asked, grinning. Galinda immediately beamed at him and pranced over to Elphaba's bed.

"YES!" she yelled excitedly. "I spent all week thinking about it, planning the trip, and I think it's going to be the best experience ever!"

"Where are we going?" Fiyero squealed. Heh, Fiyero squealed…

"Ooo! I can't tell you! But I will say, that we have to travel ALL. THE WAY. TO THE EMERALD CITY TO GET THERE!"

"That's like, a ten hour drive, though," he pointed out.

"Exactly. It's perfectly enough time to wreck havoc in a small mini-van that we'll all be squished into together!"

"We have mini-vans in Oz?"

"WE HAVE EVERYTHING IN OZ!" Galinda confirmed, looking off into space was a thumbs up. Fiyero put his head beside her's and tried to figure out what she was grinning at.

"Who are you talking to?" he whispered.

"They're watching us," she whispered back.

"Wait a second!" Fiyero yelled suddenly. "Are the Whiny-Bratty-Wheelchair-Destined to Get Hit By a House-Elphaba's Less Attractive Sister-With a Voice that Sounds like a Seventy-Three Year Old Fatty of Oz and Biq coming too!

"Well, of course they are! You think Elphaba would actually leave the campus with Nessa unless she was going to meet the Wizard-" cough, cough, Fatty "-of Oz? That's ridiculous, Fiyero. Truly. Ridiculous."

"I know! I'm so sorry!" Fiyero sobbed. She slapped him.

"Snap out of it!"she yelled.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Silence.

"You wanna make out?" Galinda asked off-hand.

More silence.

"Eh, no?"

"Dang it."

* * *

**Hope you guys didn't hate it! But if you did, let me know it a flamey review... I've never gotten a flame before... Do they hurt?.. Would this be The Fic that Was on Fire? =O YES. But seriously, review... or I will continue to starve Fiyeraba. MWAHAHAHA**

**Speaking of Fiyeraba, DO NOT PANIC! IT IS STILL TOTALLY GONNA HAPPEN! I JUST HAVE TO SPIT OUT MORE OF THIS WRITING THAT YOU GUYS APPARENLY ENJOY!**

**...But seriously, review.**

**...I'm lonely.**


	17. Roadtrip to the Emerald City

**OH BOY. OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. DO I HAVE A ONE-SHOT FOR YOU. *said Bob the Tomato* ANYWAY. Wow. So this is my second longest one-shot ever, second only to the Elphie's Birthday Surprise thingy one.**

**Originally, this was going to be the longest at 3,589, but then I got bored and cut it off a few hundred words early so that I'd have something to work with for the next one. Yeah, so nothing really special here, but in a few minutes, *prepare for shameless plugs* I'll be posting THE FIYERABA LAAAAAAAAA, updating Time and Time Again *I WILL SAVE YOU VINKUN WILDFLOWERS!*, and a Hunger Games fic I've been working on so PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU TO CHECK THEM OUT. BEGGING. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. OH, AND I LOVE YOU. =P**

**Now, the reason I'm updating so much today is because today is the 1 Year Anniversary of the day I first saw Wicked! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

**But I'll quit boring you with my excitement (but hey, if you wanna throw me a party to celebrate, that'd be cool too) and let you read the one-shot..**

**Elphaba: Finally! You'll let us out now right?**

**Uhhhhhhh, no? I haven't finished it yet, silly.**

**Fiyero: SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAT?**

**Pippin: ...**

**Fiyero: Pippin knows his stuff.**

* * *

"ALL ABOARD THE MINI-VAN TO THE FA-THE WIZARD OF OZ EXPRESS!" Galinda shouted as Fiyero and Boq managed to squeeze (lol) the last of her suitcases into the trunk of the van.

"O.M.O, Galinda, never say that ever again," Nessa snapped. When she turned around to mutter something to Elphaba, who was pushing her wheelchair, Galinda gave her a dirty look.

"That little bi-" she began but was cut off by Fiyero.

"Does my hair look flat, dull, and lifeless to you guys?" he asks, running his hands through his hair as he looked into a mirror that he pulled out of his pocket.

"Ya know," Elphaba said matter-of-factly, "the Anti-Lollipop Guild is gonna have customary hair insurance." Fiyero leaned in with interest.

"I'm listening," he said, and Elphaba began her speech about the importance of baldness prevention.

"Has anyone else ever noticed how the name Boq looks kinda like BQQ?" Nessa asked randomly as everyone began taking their seats in the van. Fiyero was driving, Elphaba was sitting in the passenger seat, Boq and Galinda were sitting in the middle, and Nessa was way in the back because let's face it, nobody likes her.

"Are you sure it's wise to let Fifi drive?" Galinda asked, ignoring Nessa along with everyone else. Elphaba sighed.

"Not at all, but I just had a few drinks with Biq-"

"BOQ!"

"-and so Fiyero won't let me drive," Elphaba replied.

"Elphie, since when do you drink?" Galinda's eyes grew wide in shock.

"Since I realized I would be in the same car for several hours as my handicapped sister, the Munchkin boy that she's stalking, the _blonde_ chick that _he's_ stalking, and the scandalacious Winkie prince who's got the mental capacity of one of his millions of random fangirls who appear whenever he sings or says something '_totally dreamy_!'" Elphaba says, her voice rising several octaves when she mimicked the fangirls. Nessa and Boq blushed when she mentioned them but said nothing.

"Hey now!" Fiyero interrupted, taking one hand off the steering wheel to hold it up in Elphaba's face like a stop sign. "Respect the fangirls!"

"Both hands on the wheel!" Nessa called from the back.

"Shut it, Tiny Tim!" Galinda shouted before high-fiving Boq.

"Ooo, low blow, Galinda. Low blow," Elphaba commented.

"Oh, please. You know you hate her too, Elphie," Galinda brushed her best friend off, flipping her hair.

"Yeah but-"

"Elphaba!" Nessa shouted in outrage.

"-that doesn't matter, because you're _Galinda_!" Elphaba protested. "You're supposed to be nice, and sweet, and gentle."

"I like 'em nice and sweet and sassy," Boq said with a Jamaican accent while bobbing his eyebrows up and down at Galinda suggestively.

"Okay, I'm out!" Nessa shouted emotionlessly.

"What?" the entire car screeched, despite their internal cheering.

"Yup, I'm outtie," she confirmed, snapping her fingers. There was a cloud of smoke, and then she was gone. When the group had finished coughing, they all (save Fiyero who was maneuvering the van through traffic on the highway) looked to the backseat where Nessa had disappeared from. They all glances at each other and started singing loudly:

"FINALLY A DAY THAT'S TOTALLY NESSA-BITCH FREE! WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER, THANK GOODNESS!"

"Yes," Galinda continued singing by herself, "we couldn't be happier. Right, guys? Couldn't be happier. Right here, look what we've got, a fairytale plot, now that Nessa is gone."

"And we couldn't be happier," Elphaba sang. "True, guys? Couldn't be happier. And we're happy keep our road trip selfishly from Nessarose. He couldn't be drive-ier, I couldn't be greenlier. We couldn't be drunkier."

"Because drunky," Boq sang, "is what happens when Elphie drinks, too much."

"I'VE HEARD IT SAID!" Fiyero screamed loudly and off-key. "THAT HAIRLINES COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON! BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN, AND WE ARE LED TO PRODUCTS THAT HELP US MOST TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, AND PAY FOR THEM IN RETURN!"

"Best. Road trip. Ever!" Galinda squealed happily, oblivious to the chaos going on around her.

333TwoHoursLater333

"And that's why Nessa doesn't like whipped cream," Boq finished before the entire car was filled with looks of wonder.

"It's weird that I don't remember saying any of that," Galinda said.

"Well, you said it," Elphaba confirmed, smushing her face against the cold window beside her. The rain had begun pouring fifteen minutes ago, and she was sick of it.

"I hate the rain," Fiyero shivered.

"Ya know who else hated the rain?" Galinda asked. Everyone shook their heads.

"Bookverse Elphie," she answered matter-of-factly. Elphaba groaned in irritation.

"Again," Fiyero said, "I don't really enjoy bookverse that much."

"Yeah," Boq joins in, "does like, anybody get a happy ending in bookverse?"

"Umm," Elphaba hummed. "I think the Wizard-"

"Fatty," Boq said.

"-the Fatty turned out pretty alright. Wait, what? Biq, why are you calling him the Fatty?" Elphaba questioned. "I haven't gone to see him with Galinda so as far as we know, he's a great, fat dude."

"I love alternate universes that aren't bookverse!" Fiyero cheered.

Silence.

"Wait a second," Galinda frowned.

"What?" Elphaba asked.

"…Is he Santa?"

"We don't believe in Santa in Oz, Galinda!" Elphaba replied. "We celebrate Lurlinemas, and there's no North Pole so we believe in Lurline!"

"….But who's Lurline?" Boq asked quietly.

"SOME FAIRY QUEEN OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW!" Elphaba shouted, frustrated.

Silence.

"Well," Boq whispered to Galinda, "it seems to be _somebody's_ time of month."

"BIQ, I TOLD YOU! I AM NOT A WEREWOLF!" Fiyero yelled as he squinted his eyes to see better in the rain.

"Is it that time," Elphaba asked drowsily, "in a long car ride when everyone goes about their own business so that the person in the front passenger seat can sleep?"

"Elphie," Galinda responded, "you know I didn't schedule any alone time for anyone for this trip. Of course, now that Nessa's gone we've saved about fifteen hours of time-"

"That long?" Fiyero asked.

"Well, considering the fact that she wouldn't let you go faster than 25 miles per hour, the fact that she has the bladder of a kitten, the fact that she would slow us down with her condition, and the undeniable fact that every time she rants, which is every ten minutes, we all space out for twenty seconds afterwards, it's a lot of time to be wasted."

"When did you have time to figure all of this out?" Boq turned to face her in question.

"I just think a lot."

Awkward exchange of glances between Fiyero and Elphaba.

"Whoa, aren't Fiyero and Elphaba supposed to be in a closet somewhere?" Boq asked suddenly.

Double awkward exchange of glances between Fiyero and Elphaba.

"Where… would you get that idea?" Fiyero wondered cautiously.

"Well, because in the author notes for the past like, four million one-shots, you guys are always trapped in a closet with a brown Skittle named Piper."

"PIPPIN! HIS NAME IS PIPPIN!" Fiyero cried out angrily.

"Touchy subject," Elphaba explained monotonously. "He and Pippin had a small fight."

"So… you guys aren't in that closet anymore?" Galinda asked.

"Nope, we're still in the closet."

"…No, we're in a minivan," Boq protested.

"This minivan is inside the closet," Fiyero said.

"But I thought you guys were in the closet for differe-"

"IT'S COMPLICATED! ...Sheesh," Elphaba sighed.

Silence.

"I ran out of stuff to talk about," Galinda announced, adding to the awkward.

"Hey Galinda wanna ma-" Boq started to ask.

"NO!"

"…I was just gonna ask if you wanted to make paper snowflakes with me," Boq replies, feigning hurt to cover up is previous motives. Everyone rolled their eyes at him.

"Sure, you did," they said.

"I think now," Elphaba decided, "would be a good time for us to come up with code names."

"For what?" Fiyero asked.

"For the Anti-Lollipop Guild, of course. We'll need code names when communicating with each other on the job."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" Galinda and Boq began shouting throwing their arms forward in protest.

"We are not joining your little club!" Boq yelled in anger, his voice rising an octave.

"LITTLE CLUB?" Elphaba screeched, whipping around to glare at Boq.

"Now you've done it," Fiyero mutters, leaning on one hand with the other on the wheel.

"THE ANTI-LOLLIPOP GUILD IS NOT JUST A LITTLE CLUB! IT IS AN ASSOCIATION OF HARDWORKING INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE TO LIKE, REAL WORK!" Elphaba yelled. Galinda sunk as deep as she could into her seat, her fingers covering her eyes.

"UNLIKE THOSE IN THE LOLLIPOP GUILD WHO ROLL AROUND ON THEIR GIGANTIC STOMACHS AND HAVE NO HAIR AND WEAR THE MAKEUP OF A FREAKING HOOKER AND TALK IN HIGH VOICES AND RELY COMPLETELY ON A WITCH TRAVELING AROUND IN A PINK BUBBLE!"

"…Traveling in a pink bubble, eh?" Galinda muttered as she looked off into space with a dreamy look on her face.

"So anyway!" Fiyero yelled, trying to draw Elphaba's attention away from the frightened Munchkin. "Code name! What's my code name?" Elphaba leaned back into her seat and thought for a moment.

"Shampoo Dragon," she decided, smiling, pleased with herself.

"I approve," Fiyero stated, grinning. "What about Galinda?"

"Umm," Elphaba hummed as Galinda bounced with anticipation. "Sparklyprincessunicorninspace."

"WITH A MUSTACHE!" Fiyero yelled in finish.

"Sounds good to me!" Elphaba smiled. Galinda began self-consciously stroking the skin below her nose.

"Wha- do I really have a-" she started mumbling as Boq asked what his code name should be.

"How about… TinMan!" Fiyero suggested grandly. Everyone looked at him like he'd grown a second third eye. Yeah, you read that right. Second. Third. Eye.

"That's not even realistic, dude," Elphaba sneered. "How can a man be made of tin? That's almost as absurd as a man made of iron."

"IRONMAN THEN!" Fiyero cheered. They all narrowed their eyes at him.

"This is the guy who's driving us to… that special place you guys can't know about yet?" Galinda asked. "Seems like a pretty questionable decision…"

"What's my code name?" Boq whined, rocking side to side.

"…How about… Foq," Elphaba whispered in awe. Fiyero and Boq squinted their eyes in confusion.

"What's Foq mean?" they asked.

Awkward exchange of glances between Galinda and Elphaba.

"Well, I've got my laptop right here-"

"We have laptops in Oz?" Fiyero asked.

"Yes. Anyway," Galinda said, pulling a black laptop out from under her seat, "I just so happen to have what is known as Foq on my laptop right this second."

"GALINDA!" Elphaba gasped with a shocked look on her face.

"IT WAS FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES!" Galina screamed in defense, her face red with embarrassment.

"Wait a second," Boq said, "what's Foq?"

Giggles from Elphaba and Galinda.

"WHAT IS IT?" Boq and Fiyero yelled with terrified looks on their faces. Galinda slowly turned the laptop screen toward Boq and everyone held their breath while he read in silence for a minute.

"I still don't understand what- HOLY SHIZ ON SALAD!" he screamed in terror. "WHY WOULD ANYONE WRITE THIS?"

"What is it?" Fiyero asked loudly, resisting the temptation to turn around and grab the laptop.

"It's a-a-a-a…" Boq stuttered as he struggled to breath.

"OH, WAY TO GO, YOU GUYS BROKE BOQ!" Fiyero shouted. "NOW I'LL NEVER NOW WHAT FOQ IS!" Elphaba leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"….Oh," he said simply, going back to focusing on the road.

"….Oh?" Boq asked, his face still red from embarrassment. "That's all you have to say?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"What do you mean, not that big of a deal? This is disgusting!"

"That's a little harsh, don't ya think?" Fiyero asked, his face covered in hurt.

"So are you saying that you fully support it?" Boq asked, his face going white.

"Of course, I do!" Fiyero grinned. "I think it's a legitimate cause!"

Awkward exchange of glances between Boq and Galinda.

"Wait a clock-tick…" Boq said. "What do you think Foq is?"

"Forgiveness of Quadlings, duh," Fiyero answered, still grinning stupidly.

Galinda and Boq looked at each other in confusion until Elphaba turned around and put a finger to her lips.

"His fragile mind wouldn't be able to handle it," she whispered. They nodded in agreement.

"So," Fiyero casually said as slung an arm around Elphaba before it was pushed off harshly, "we've been in the car for over three hours and I haven't run over a single upstanding citizen of Oz."

"…Do you usually run someone over with the car when you drive?" ask Boq, eyes wide.

"Only single people," Fiyero clarified. "For some reason, the couples always spot me in time to get out of the way."

"…..Fiyero," squeaked Galinda, leaning forward between Elphaba and Fiyero, "do you even have a drivers' license?"

"A what?" he asked, before swerving out of the way of a flying house. When the house had safely passed, the car was silent for a moment.

"Whew, that was a close one!" Boq exclaimed. "Good thing we're all safe inside this car, protected from those pesky flying houses!"

"Uh huh," Fiyero agreed. "Can you imagine the chaos that would break out if somebody we knew got hit by a house?"

"That's highly unlikely though, Fiyero," Elphaba pointed out. "Flying houses have been known, for the most part, to keep to themselves."

"Fiyero is hungry," Fiyero loudly announced, rubbing his stomach.

"There are sandwiches in the trunk," Elphaba said in reply, not bothering to be annoyed by Fiyero's third-person-ness. The van yanked to a stop and Fiyero turned around to look at Boq.

"Get the sandwiches, Biq," he commanded.

"It's Boq!" was the muffled reply as the Munchkin crawled over the seat and fell into the trunk. A few moments passed, and then Boq was throwing sandwiches towards the front of the car, causing the fifty-something of them to land pretty much everywhere in the car except for Elphaba and Fiyero's hands.

But when Fiyero finally did get his hands on one of the saran wrapped foods, he promptly unwrapped it, and swallowed it whole.

"I love sandwiches," he sighed contentedly, rubbing his stomach before grabbing another four sandwiches from the floor.

"Oh, sandwiches," he cooed at them. "I love you so much, more than anything else in the world."

"Ahem," Elphaba cleared her throat, but Fiyero payed her no mind. She scoffed at him in anger and turned to Galinda, giving her a 'your-ex-is-insane' look. Galinda just nodded solemnly.

Meanwhile, Boq continuously tried to climb back over the seat so that he could join the others, but he couldn't boost himself high enough to swing over so he gave up and just sat down in the trunk because, let's face it, nobody was gonna help him. They were too occupied with their sandwiches… Especially Fiyero. He was like, making out with his sandwiches. It was really weird. He was like, talking to them and making kissy faces. It was just…

It was REALLY WEIRD.

55555TwoHoursLater55555

"Why is the Emerald City so far away?" Galinda groaned. They'd been in the car for hours and the city was still nowhere in sight.

"Maybe we're lost," Boq suggested. "We should pull over and ask someone for directions."

"Yeah," Fiyero agreed. Galinda and Elphaba looked at each other in horror.

"We are NOT going to ASK FOR DIRECTIONS," Elphaba yelled in fury. "Lemme just find that map… I know I've got it in my bag somewhere." As Elphaba pulls out her huge purse (because Elphaba totally carries purses nowadays), Fiyero and Boq rolled their eyes.

"Why can't we just ask for directions?" whined Boq. "It'll just take five minutes."

"We don't need to pull over, Biq," Galinda hisses through her teeth, "because Elphie will figure out where we are, and she will point us in the right direction."

"Ugh, there's no shame in asking!" Fiyero protests. "You guys always do this! Let's just ask-"

"Make a left here," Elphaba cuts him off.

"Okay then," he sighs in defeat, again rolling his eyes.

"Don't take that tone with me!" Elphaba snaps. Fiyero looks at her in shock.

"What tone?" he squeaks.

"The one you just emitted from your mouth!" she replied.

"What does 'emitted' mean?"

"IT MEANS THAT YOU PRODUCED A SOUND! OZ, YOU ARE SO EMPTYHEADED!"

"Well excuse me if I don't like studying Stirrpeare."

"THAT'S SHAKESPEARE!"

"SAME DIFFERENCE!"

"AND THAT'S CONTRADICTIARY!"

"WHAT DOES _THAT_ WORD MEAN?"

"Why are they always fighting nowadays?" Boq asked Galinda, leaning away from the arguing couple.

"They're in that stage of a Fiyeraba where they fight all the time over little things. Next comes the short-term breakup where Elphie can't sleep for days because she's so brokenhearted and Fiyero goes and sleeps with a bunch of random girls, drinks his sorrows away with Avaric, or spends his time trying to find some way to get Elphie back. In the end, though, they always end up with children who're named after weird stuff because Elphie and Fifi are sentimental and they don't believe in name originality," Galinda answered matter-of-factly.

"…What? How would you even know that?"

"I read a lot."

"WHY CAN'T WE JUST ASK FOR DIRECTIONS?"

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?"

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE SOME MORE TURKEY SANDWICHES?"

"UGH, YOU'VE NEVER LOVED ME LIKE YOU LOVE SANDWICHES!"

"THIS WAS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN WE STARTED DATING!"

"I DID _NOT_ SIGN UP FOR BEING YOUR PERSONAL SANDWICH MAKER!"

"There are so many flying monkeys right now…" Boq muttered, massaging his forehead before everyone knows that Munchkins don't have temples… and other stuff.

"Boq, there are no flying monkeys," Galinda snapped. "This alternate universe doesn't include Act 2."

"What about the second half of Act 1?" Boq asked quietly.

"Nope, not that either," she replied, waving him off distantly.

"So what _is_ included?"

"That doesn't matter. The point is there are no flying monkeys!"

"Uh, Galinda?"

"What."

"I think Elphaba and Fiyero just proved your break-up theory wrong," Boq said, pointing to the couple who had stopped fighting a few seconds ago and started kissing.

"Thaaaatt's gross," Galinda said.

"You wanna-"

"Not really."

"So you'll pretend to want to?"

"Uh, no."

"Darn it, Galinda!"

"Is darn a verb or an adjective?... Or is it a noun?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really."

"Then it's a verb."

"Why are we talking in short sentences with no narration between them like it's the end of the chapter?" Boq asked as the two lovebirds up in front pulled away from each other and Fiyero began driving again… without asking for directions.

"It makes for a good read," Galinda explained. "That's how cliffhangers are developed sometimes."

"WE'RE HEEEREEEE!" Fiyero squealed bouncing in his seat as he turned the corner to reveal the Emerald City.

"Wait a second, we spent all that time arguing about how lost we were, but we were only five seconds away?" Elphaba asked, giving Fiyero an 'ARE-YOU-FREAKING-KIDDING-ME?' look.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Fiyero stalled, glancing around for a distraction.

"Alright, Fiyero!" Galinda said, hitting the back of his seat delicately. "You can park over here. We're walking the rest of the way!"

"Are you going to tell us where we're going, now?" Boq asked, as Fiyero parked the car.

"Nope. You guys will just know it when you see it!" she yipped in reply.

After what Elphaba described as 525,600 miles of walking down streets of green, the four Shiz students, led by Galinda, approached two super huge gates.

"Uh, where are we?" Fiyero asked, being pushed away from Elphaba harshly after trying to put his arm around her.

"Friends," Galinda answered grandly, "I give you: the zoo!"

Elphaba froze, eyes wide.

"The zoo?" she clarified dizzily.

"THE ZOO!" her three friends cheered happily as they pushed the gates open and ran into the animal enclosure-type place.

"…..the zoo…" Elphaba muttered under her breath. And then she got a master plan idea type thing that was so brilliant that it would take an entirely different one-shot to carry out. Elphaba followed the others into the zoo, grinning wickedly.

"This is gonna be good."

* * *

**Well, I suppose I've got my work cut out for me for next time. But I'm still super open to ideas and conversation and friendships and chaotic ideas from you guys! So please share! Seriously. Share them with me. I need help. =P**

**Also, since I'm so busy shamelessly plugging myself, I'm not gonna suggest anymore SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT fanfics tonight, but instead, I wanna know which of Fiyero's outfits in Wicked is your favorite. Mine, not that you care, is his ALAYM outfit... yeahhhh...**

**Elphaba: ...What are you picturing?**

**Fiyero: Elphaba, calm down. She can't help it. *toss toss***

**Pippin: ...**

**Fiyero: PIPPIN, I AM A BOY!**


	18. Fiyero is a DramaStarter

**Ya know that feeling when you write a super long A/N on FF, and as soon as you click 'Save' the power goes out? I am feeling it more in this moment than I ever have in my LIFE. Ugh. Okay, so *BEGINS THE PROCESS OF RETYPING MY FIFTEEN PARAGRAPH ESSAY OF AN AUTHOR'S NOTE* first off, I would like to apologize, because this is not the Zoo (yeah I capitalized Zoo) one-shot, and it instead another note-passing one-shot that was sloppily written in an effort to relieve my stress...****But it's still kinda HUMOROUS I guess...**

**I suppose I'm just a HUMOROUS AUTHOR. I wish there was a place where people who thought I was HUMOROUS could nominate and vote for me as the most HUMOROUS author possibly maybe sorta kinda in the Wicked FF community. OH WAIT. THERE IS. The Fifth Annual Wicked Awards are here, and (whether or not you vote for me) I just wanted to make sure everyone was informed so that they could go and nominate/vote for (ME) whoever they thought best fit the selected categories...Seriously though, if you vote for me, there might be a singing shirtless Fiyero in it for you but... Whatever. =P**

**Okay, so, again, this is not my best, but first person to point out the gigantic Beatles reference is here gets a mention in my next A/N so... GURL, I'M JUSS SAYIN. Feeling veerrrryyy generous tonight.**

**Alright so seriously, please review, I love you. Stay wicked, my friends.**

**P.S. **_* italicized words with star things beside them* _**means that it's been cross out to the point of no return.**

* * *

Galinda: Fiyero hates me.

Elphaba: What?

Galinda: FIYERO HATES ME. Can't you tell? He didn't say hi to me before class today.

Elphaba: Are you kidding me?

Galinda: No.

Elphaba: You're seriously interrupting my note-taking to ask for relationship advice?

Galinda: No, I'm forcing you to sit here and read my relationship problems. I don't want advice.

* * *

Galinda: Fifi, why do you hate me now?

Fiyero: What?

Galinda: You never talk to me anymore and it makes me sad.

Fiyero: I went on a date with you just last night!

Galinda: But what about THIS MORNING? Fiyero, I've got _needs_.

Fiyero: Uhhhhhh…

* * *

Fiyero: Elphaba hates me.

Boq: What was your first clue?

Fiyero: No, seriously, Galinda just told me that Elphaba hates my guts.

Boq: That's not even true.

Fiyero: YES IT IS.

* * *

Galinda: I just don't understand why he hasn't proposed yet.

Elphaba: Maybe he's waiting for the right moment.

Galinda: OR MAYBE HE'S _CHEATING ON ME_!

Elphaba: Lin, Fiyero loves you, okay? Not even he is stupid enough to cheat on you.

Galinda: ….But I just love him so much and I wanna marry him.

Elphaba: Well, maybe if you subtly mention marriage to him, he'll propose.

Galinda: Okay, I'll try it.

* * *

Galinda: Fiyero, have you ever thought of marriage?

Fiyero: Well, yah, my parents are gonna make me marry some fat chick named Samira in a couple of years.

Galinda: Damn.

* * *

Fiyero: Galinda just told me that Elphaba wants to hang me again. And not by the toes.

Boq: NOT THE JEWELS!

Fiyero: Yes, Boq. The jewels.

Boq: SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE TO PROTECT THE ROYAL VINKUN JEWELS!

* * *

Boq: Why do you hate Fiyero?

Elphaba: Do you want me to go in alphabetical order or in order or in order of times it's gotten him hung by his toes?

Boq: JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE JEWELS!

Elphaba: What?

Boq: THE JEWELS. STAY AWAY!

Elphaba: What the Fatty are you talking about?

Boq: GALINDA TOLD US ALL ABOUT YOUR PLAN TO STEAL THE ROYAL VINKUN JEWELS AND DESTROY THEM!

* * *

Elphaba: Galinda, what did you say to Fiyero and Boq?

Galinda: What you told me to say.

Fiyero: AHA! I KNEW YOU TWO WERE UP TO SOMETHING!

Boq: YOU TWO NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM THE JEWELS!

Galinda: Um, what?

Boq: That's what I said: A GIRL WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

Elphaba: You two are insane and need help.

Fiyero: _*Love you too, Elphie.*_

Galinda: What was that, Fiyero, dearest?

Fiyero: NOTHING. Just a typo.

* * *

Galinda: What's their problem?

Elphaba: I have no idea. Why don't you ask Fiyero? We're not really speaking to each other right now.

Galinda: Why not?

Elphaba: Because of reasons.

* * *

Galinda: Elphaba wants to know what your problem is.

Fiyero: I don't have a problem with her. Where'd she get that idea?

* * *

Fiyero: NOW GALINDA SAYS THATELPHABA SAYS THAT SHE'S GOING TO KEEP THE JEWELS IN A JAR BY THE DOOR.

Boq: WHO IS FOR?

Fiyero: ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

Boq: WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM?

Fiyero: ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

Boq: WHERE DO THEY ALL BELONG?

Fiyero: AHHHHHHHHHHH LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

Boq: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Fiyero: AHHHHHHHHHH LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

Boq: I thought Shen Shen had a boyfriend now though?

Fiyero: I do not know.

Boq: You do not know?

Fiyero: I do not know.

* * *

Fiyero: Boq just told me in extensive detail how fat he thinks you are.

Galinda: Who's Boq?

Fiyero: Nevermind.

* * *

Elphaba: So did you find out?

Galinda: What?

Elphaba: What are they talking about?

Galinda: I do not know.

Elphaba: You do not know?

Galinda: I do not know.

* * *

Fiyero: _*Elphaba, I love you so much and I hate that I ran away in the clearing with that Lion Cub. Oh my Oz, that was a freaking **UGLY** Lion Cub. I should've given it to you.*_ Why don't you like me anymore?

Elphaba: Excuse me?

Galinda: FIFI, WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE ME ANYMORE?

Boq: BECAUSE THE TWO OF YOU ARE THREATS TO FIYERO AND HIS JEWELS.

Fiyero: YAH. YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO BACK OFF BECAUSE THESE JEWELS ARE MINE AND WILL NOT BE TAMPERED WITH. I'VE GOT A REPUTATION TO UPHOLD.

Galinda: Okay, I'll see you guys in scientology class.

Elphaba: That's _science_, Galinda. And same here.

* * *

Boq: Do you think they know that we know?

Fiyero: No way. We were way too subtle.

* * *

**Not my best, but you guys can deal, I guess. =P Love you guys! (unless you don't give me a good review -_-) LOL, DO IT FOR THE SHIRTLESS SINGING FIYERO!**


	19. Greenie of the Lamp

**Okay, so for this one-shot, it's a lot of internal dialogue, but I thought it was really cute, since it's Fiyero. It's based off of a different one-shot called Beware of the Australianans! after being requested in a review, I finally decided to write it out. I suggest going back to read that before this, maybe. I don't know. LOL.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEE!**

* * *

Up. Down. Up. Down. Left. Right. Up. Down. Right. Left. Spit. Repeat.

"FIYERO, HURRY UP! YOU'VE BEEN BRUSHING YOUR TEETH FOR TWENTY MINUTES!" came Elphaba's angry voice through the bathroom door.

"ACTUALLY, IT'S ONLY BEEN NINETEEN MINUTES AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS, MY GREEN LOCUS!" he called back endearingly.

"NO!" Elphaba screamed through the door in response to his his nickname.

"No worries," Fiyero replied, toothpaste dripping down his chin. "I'll think of something, my Vinkun wildflower!"

"NO!" Elphaba screamed again. Fiyero laughed as she stomped away from the bathroom in anger.

Up. Down. Up. Right. Left. Down. Right. Up. Down. Spit.

Fiyero glanced at his toothbrush as he recalled his failed nicknames for Elphaba for the day:

"Sugar-Plum Greenbean."

"Snuggly-Wuggly BooBoo McCutiekins."

"Wicked Witch of the Bed."

"Lightning McGreen."

And his personal favorite:

""Greenie of the Lamp."

But alas, for some odd reason that he couldn't understand, Elphaba did not accept any of these nicknames. Up. Down. Left. Spit. Up. Down. Right. Left. Up. Down. Up. Left. Spit.

He looked around the bathroom for inspiration: There were dirty clothes on the floor, the towel around his waist, his assorted hair-care products, a bar of soap, his collection of golden combs, the mini-fridge that was stocked with beer (the Vinkun kind), a rubber ducky that he didn't like to talk about, a toothbrush an-

A toothbrush!

This was brilliant. Truly brilliant. BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT! Ahem. Yes, he would take this toothbrush and use it to create Elphaba's new nickname, one that she would keep in her heart FOREVER! Also, she'd hopefully make out with Fiyero, but that one was mostly optional.

Toothbrush… toothbrush…

_Okay,_ Fiyero thought, _let's analyze the toothbrush. What are its characteristics? Which of these does it share with Elphaba? They're both skinny… they both like to tongue wrestle… they're both probably smarter than me… they both use toothpaste… they're both pretty bristly… Or is that an insult? That's an insult, I think…._

Up. Down. Left. Right. Down. Up. Left. Down. Up. Right. Spit. Left. Right. Up. Down.

Fiyero looked at the packaging for the new electric toothbrush he'd gotten today: PHARMACEUTICAL ACTUALLY ELECTRICAL.

It was a weird name, no doubt about it, so Fiyero decided that Pharmaceutical Actually Electric would not be Elphaba's nickname. Instead, he tried to think up ways he could use it.

What about:

"Pharmy."

"Acty."

"Elle."

Actually, "Elle" was a pretty good one. But it wasn't creative enough. It didn't represent Elphaba well enough. No, he'd have to keep thinking.

"Pea?"

She'd kill me.

"Phae?"

Too many letters. Sounds nice though. Still, it's too long for Fiyero and it would look weird in a love note. What about "Hae?" or "Pae?" No, that changed the sound too much…

"Pay?"

Definitely not. Fiyero didn't even bother trying the next obvious option because it just too out of the question for him. What did that leave him with?

"Bae?"

"Cae?"

"Day?"

"Fae?"

Fae! That is it! The perfect combination of letters to result in a spectacularly fitting and beautiful nickname for an exceptionally perfect person such as Elphaba.

As Fiyero rinsed, water kept dripping everywhere because he could hardly stop smiling.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Fiyero whipped around to see a fat man standing in the doorway with an outraged and shocked expression.

"Why, hello, good sir," Fiyero greeted, completely unfazed as he held out his hand, which caused his towel to fall to the ground. After a pause, Fiyero said in a low voice, "I have to be completely honest with you, I don't usual go this far with someone so soon unless I'm drunk."

"MIRIAM! CALL THE COPS!" the man shouted, throwing his hands up in the air in fear as he waddled away from Fiyero.

Smirking, the prince threw his clothes back on, stuffed his duffle bag with his possessions, and jogged out the front door. On his way out, he grabbed Elphaba – who was glaring at the old woman named Miriam, who was lecturing _her_ about breaking into people's houses – and they both ran and ran and ran until they reached a small clearing, far away from any town. They set up camp, and started a fire before lying down on their respective sleeping bags.

"Pssst, Fae," Fiyero whispered.

"DON'T CALL ME-" Elphaba began to scream. "Wait… what?"

"Yeah, it's taken me six years, three nonexistent brains, and a toothbrush to think of a good nickname, but I finally got it," he replied, grinning smugly in the dark.

"Fae…" Elphaba murmured softly. "That's really sweet, Fiyero."

"Does that mean we can make out now?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course it does- Wait! You used a toothbrush to think of a nickname for me?" she yelled, outraged.

"Uhh, yes?"

There was a short pause as she thought that over.

"I've heard stranger."

* * *

**Just so you guys know, I'll be updating again on the 16th! So update quickly and happily!**

**Hugs not drugs. =)**

**Seriously, I just gave you guys FIYERO IN A TOWEL and then FIYERO NAKED. So I'm pretty sure I deserve ALL THE REVIEWS! Haha, let me know how you liked it! I have a separate A/N on the next one-shot to announce the winner of the Beatles reference thing, and also more information and Shiz. Haha.**

**Question of the day: What movie are you most looking forward to seeing this year? It can already be out in theaters, or maybe you just haven't seen it yet! Let me know in a comment! Mine is definitely Hunger Games, though I also really want to see the Vow and Journey 2!**

**REVVIIIEWW! 3**


	20. No One Mourns the Daises

**OH. MY. OZ. I cannot in any way, shape, or form believe it have been exactly one year since I reviewed vinkunwildflowerqueen's story 'Far longer Than Forever,' for the first time, pretty much deciding that "Vinkun Wildflower" was the funniest thing to ever grace the planet… (still is, in my opinion, except for that one time when she cut off Boq's-) I remember the day she followed me on Twitter. And it was through her that I met all of the amazing friends that I have today. So this one-shot is completely dedicated to Carlie because well… she's my best friend and I love her to death… even if she refuses to write more Juliyero… whatever, it's a thing. Anyway, to repay her for all that she puts up with, whether it be armies of squirrels, crying because of a squirrel, or basically giving me whatever I want because if she doesn't, I'll just bug her for the rest of our lives, I've given her, her own special role in this one-shot and I think I did PURTY good, if I say so myself. =) Love you, Carlie! 3**

**So here's a continuation of the roadtrip thingy that leads into the zoo staaarrttinnngg NOW!**

* * *

"Wow, I've never been to a zoolio-istical-ism!" Galinda exclaimed, running up to a cage that held a monkey. Fiyero and Boq exchanged a confused look, but before either one of them could speak, a loud trumpet sounded.

"Hey," Fiyero said, his face breaking out into a huge grin, "I know those trumpets! Oh my Oz, you guys! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MAH LIFE!"

"Why is Fiyero fangirling?" Galinda asked Boq.

"I don't know. Fiyero, why are you fangirling?" Boq asked Fiyero. Fiyero's grin (as if it were possible) got wider.

"Because we're about to meet the Queeeeeeeeeeen!" he squealed in reply.

"NO WAY!" Boq argued, also smiling excitedly now.

"WAY!"

"This trip just got all kinds of weird," Galinda muttered before she was interrupted by a short man with a large pogo stick. "Hey what's with the pogo-"

"Here ye, here ye!" he yelled.

"WE HERE YOU, SHORT MAN WITH THE POGO STICK! WE HERE YOU!" Boq and Fiyero replied, arms looped tightly as they jumped with excitement. The man gave them an odd look (I guess something about seeing two grown men jumping up and down with excitement was too much for him) before continuing:

"IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE AND DUTY-"

"Heh, duty," Galinda murmured under her breath with a chuckle while Boq fainted from the pure anticipation of the moment.

"-TO ANNOUNCE HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, QUEEN CARLITA."

"WOOOOOO!" Fiyero cheered, fist pumping the air. "WOOOOOO! YOU GO GURL!"

"Oh no… I know that annoying voice," came a voice behind a group of bushes. Fiyero jumped in happiness as the Queen herself hesitantly stepped out from behind the bushes, looking paranoid in her royally red royal robes of royalty.

"Oh Lurline, I was right," she sighed when saw Fiyero. Instead of turning around (like she would've much preferred) she strutted towards Fiyero, head held high. "Hello, Fiyero."

"Why hello there, Carlieee-"

"Don't call me that," Carlita shot quickly. "Don't think I forgot what you did."

"What'd he do?" Galinda asked, looking back and forth between them.

"He threatened my kingdom," she replied icily.

"…the Vinkun kingdom?" Galinda clarified.

"A large majority of it."

"Which majority?" Galinda asked. Carlita glared at her.

"The important one."

Galinda shrugged. "Good enough for me," she decides, punching Fiyero in the arm.

"Ow!" Fiyero shrieked, his voice several octaves too high. The high-pitched-ness of the squeal caused the previously passed out Boq to jerk awake, looking around wildly.

"SHE SAID SHE WAS EIGHTEEN!" he shouted before taking in his surroundings. "Oh... This isn't the Anatomy Club..."

"You mean the Philosophy Club?" Fiyero asked, pulling Boq up by his shoulder.

"No. I mean the Anatomy Club," he confirmed, looking around, still slightly dazed. "So, where's the Vinkun Queen?"

"Uh, helllloooo? I'm right heeereee," Carlita snapped, raising an eyebrow at the two of them.

"Um, you're not Fiyero's mother," Boq pointed out bluntly.

Awkward silence.

"_**WAT**_?" Carlita, Fiyero, and Galinda exclaimed.

"…..Wait a second, you _are_ the Queen of the Vinkus right?" Boq asked for clarification. Carlita looked at him like he'd grown the entire Lollipop Guild on his face.

"Uh, no?" she answered.

"But… Fiyero said you were the Queen… and he's the Prince so doesn't that make you his…" Boq made some weird hand gestures in his confused state, before shutting up all together.

"Did you tell them I was your mother?" Carlita snapped at Fiyero, causing him to step back, hands upraised.

"Wha?-No! EW! GROSS! NO! Ew!" he began shouting, covering his ears as if trying to block out a flashback. "EWWWWWW! NOOOOO! THAT'S SO WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS! EWWWWWW GRROSSSSS! I'M GONNA DIEEE! EWWWW!"

While Fiyero continued to scream in agony, Galinda turned to Carlita.

"So, what kind of Queen are you then?" she asked.

"THE PAAAIINN! EWWWW! JUST SHOOT ME NOOWWW!"

"Oh!" Carlita exclaimed before clearing her throat. "Chiki-Chiki! Do your announcing thingy with the words and the pogo stick!"

The short man with the pogo stick, whose name was apparently Chicki-Chicki, sighed and waved his hand above his head, signally mighty trumpets to begin… trumpeting.

"HER MAJESTY, QUEEN CARLITA OF THE MIGHTILY WILD AND OVERGROWN VINKUN DAISIES!" he shouted.

"THAT IS NAASSSTTYYY! EWWW! EW EW EW EWWWWWWWW!"

"And why do you hate Fiyero?" Galinda asked.

"I don't hate Fiyero," Carlita replied, looking shocked. "I could never hate him. I just think he is an uneducated buffoon who shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same formaldehyde as me."

"….Formalde-wha?"

"Formaldehyde. What, you didn't really think that royals breathe the same air as you peons do, did you?

"EW! THAT'S SO GRROSSS! EWWWWWW! I'M GONNA BARF!"

"Fiyero, must you keep screaming?" Carlita yelled at Fiyero, punching him in the arm, causing him to yelp.

"SAVE THE JEWELS!" Boq exclaimed, jumping up between Carlita and Fiyero. Carlita face-palmed.

"You told him about the jewels?" she asked Fiyero with an irritated tone.

"Hey, it's not too hard to tell that I've got jewels. And that they're royalty," Fiyero replied, standing up straighter with a smirk.

"You're disgusting," Carlita said, turning away.

"You know it, babe," Fiyero said with a wink.

"Fiyero, that is no way to talk to your mother," Boq chided, looking slightly scandalacisized.

"EEEEEWWWWWWWWW! NO! GROSS! EW! NO! EW EW EW EW! I'M GONNA DIEE!"

"Listen, Biq-"

"Boq."

"Listen, short dude without a pogo stick," Carlita continued, "Fiyero and I are not related. At all. In no way do we share any sort of DNA."

"…So why don't you like him? What'd he do?" Galinda asked. Carlita glared at the Prince.

"Go ahead and tell them, Fiyero. Tell them of the evils you have done," she ordered with a hiss.

"Well," Fiyero began, looking unperturbed by Carlita's anger, "I may have sort of kind of accidentally set an entire field of Vinkun Daisies on fire during the Harvest season while I was drunk after I dumped Carlita."

Galinda and Boq froze with arched eyebrows before looking at each other.

"The trouble with fields is," they sang, "they always try to catch fire."

"GURL, THOSE FIELDS ARE JUST TRYING TO BE LIKE MEH," yelled Katniss Everdeen, who had magically appeared out of nowhere.

Silence.

"Well," Fiyero prodded Galinda, "aren't you gonna go, 'BEGONE, GIRL ON FIRE! JIGGILY WIGGILY! POOF!" He waved his hands in the air wildly.

"…Why would I do that?" Galinda asked. "Katniss is totally badass."

"But she's in the wrong story," Fiyero argued.

"….I'm not kicking her out," was the stubborn reply.

More silence.

"Um, well, this is awkward," said Katniss before she looked at her watch. "Oh! Look at the time, I have to go… shoot some squirrels now..."

"Well, I think she's just loverly," Galinda said as Katniss ran out of the zoo. Fiyero looked at her with an odd expression.

"We're doomed," he said simply.

"That statement has absolutely nothing to do with the situation, Ro-Ro," Carlita said, punching his arm.

"Ro-Ro?" Boq snickered. Fiyero glared at him.

"It was the only untaken nickname I could get from 'Fiyero,'" Carlita explained.

"Wait," Boq said, "so why'd you break up with a babe like Carlita?"

"If you ever call me anything besides Carlita again, I smack you into next Thursday," Carlita said blankly. The munchkin's eyes widened in fear as he shuffled behind Galinda.

"I broke up with her, because she wouldn't give me back massages and stuff," Fiyero explained bitterly. Carlita glared at him.

"I hate you."

"That's not what you said that one night when you went downto-"

Out of nowhere, I loud scream rang out through the zoo. Everyone turned to see Elphaba yelling out random battle cries as she rode through the zoo on a zebras back, dozens of animals (and Animals) rampaging behind them.

"FOR MUNCHKINLAND!" she screamed. "ONWARD, MY FRIENDS! YOU ARE FREE!" She pointed toward the exit and the a(A)nimals had no hesitancy as they left.

"TELL THEM HOOWW YOUUU ARREE ESCAAAPINGG PUBLIC ZOOS! YOU'RE RUNNING FAST, NO ONE DARES TO CATCH YOU, AND NOBODY WILL EVEN TRY."

"What the fu-?" Carlita began to say before Fiyero covered her mouth as he watched Elphaba with awe.

"AND NOBODY, IN ALL OF OZ, NO HUMAN THAT THERE IS OR WAS, IS EVER GONNA PUT-"

"This is the good part," Galinda whispered to Boq excitedly.

"I know!" Boq replied, grinning.

"YOOOOUUUU BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKK-"

"I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" Carlita yelled at Fiyero as a rhino ran over her foot.

"LOOK AT HER, SHE'S THE QUEEN! PICTURES!" Galinda and Boq sang, pointing their cameras at Carlita.

"BRIIINNGG YYOOOUUU BAAAAA-"

"NO ONE MOURNS THE DAISIES! SO WE'VE GOT TO TAKE A-"

"!"

"!"

* * *

**Also, shout-out to everyone who tried to guess what the Beatles song was, but while I was going through the reviews, trying to figure out who answered first, I realized that NOBODY KNEW WHAT THE SONG WAS CALLED. I pity you poor, poor people. The song is called 'Eleanor Rigby' contrary to the popular belief that it's called "All the Lonely People." So…. You guys are all uncultured swines. =P I'm just kidding, I love you. *Mother Gothel moment anyone?* Haha.**

**Also shout-out to DefyingGravity13 for being my 200th reviewer woooooooo. The anniversary of Galinda the Hyper was actually January 23, and I completely forgot about it until like, 5 minutes after midnight on the 24th. But thank you so so so so soooo much to everyone who has read, reviewed, or added me/this story to their alerts, it means the world to me!**

**Question of the Day: Did anyone else go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D and see Rapunzel and Flynn *Eugene* get married? I cried. Throughout the entire thing. Thoughts? If you haven't seen it, I DEMAND THAT YOU DO. 3**

**Okay, enough Author Notes. PLEASE REVIEW!**

***insert le witty response from a Wicked character here***

***insert le clever comeback to the response here***


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